Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex?

She cant stand it to see her husband enjoy himself.

How many [ethnic] people does it take to make love?

Three, two to do it, and one to read the instructions.

A Father and son are talking about where to go on holiday.
The father suggests Poland because you can eat and drink for free.
Also, he says, you may go to the buffet for free.

After his visit to Poland his son lies in the hospital and complains
bitterly, Why have you told me all this is free in Poland. Everytime I
tried to have lunch for free or tried to go to the buffet for free I was
beaten up.

After his father had a careful reflection he says,
Oh, sorry. I didn t tell you I was in Poland with the SS!

When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a
Prague ophthalmologist. The doctor showed the patient the
eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ.

Can you read that? the doctor asked.

Can I read it? the Czech replied. I date his sister!

In 1890, the Irish invented the toilet.

In 1891, the English invented the hole into it.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Q: How do you fit 50 mexicans in a car?

A: Put a welfare check in the ash tray.

Q. How do you know when Asians have moved into the neighborhood?

A. Mexicans start getting car insurance.

One day there was a black guy behind the bar working, and a Chinese guy walked up to him and said, Give me a jigger, nigger.

The black guy responded, That is not an appropriate way to talk to someone. How would you like it if someone were to talk to you that way?

To prove his point, they switched places. The black guy comes out from behind the bar, and te Chinese goes behind the bar.

The black guy goes up to the counter and says, Give me a drink, chink!, and the chinese guy responds No. We dont serve niggers.

Q. If the world turned into a jacket, where would the black people live?

A. In the hood.

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it cant be fried in bacon grease, it aint worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we cant stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, dont panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Dont try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for. Dont be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store. Remember: "Yall" is singular. "All yall" is plural. "All yalls" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Dont be worried that you dont understand anyone. They dont understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerners vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol", as in "big ol truck" or "big ol boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. "He needed killin" is a valid defense here. If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, yall, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their cars windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something youre supposed to do. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, youre better off trying to find it yourself.