A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run….run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya! A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his
knowledge of the game, screams R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya! The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run! All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan,sensing his embarrassment whisper, He doesnt have to run, hes got four
balls. After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which theyd never seen before. Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, I wouldnt eat that if I were you.

Why not?

I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving two of his best friends behind to make it in America. To keep their tradition of nightly drinks alive, every night he goes into an Irish-style pub and orders three pints. The bartender, after a month of this, becomes curious, and asks the man what hes doing. Touched by the story, the bartender has the 3 pints ready for the man every time he comes in. One day, the man tells the bartender to only give him 2 pints.

"My condolences," says the bartender, thinking that one of the mans friends has died.

"No, no," says the man, "theyre both still alive. Ive just quit drinking."

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock Knock.
Whos There?
Britney Spears…Oops I did it again.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of owning a British car, but want to know what its like: Next big rainstorm, wait till dark, roll down all windows, leave off lights and heater and go for a drive. Stop at every intersection and throw out a twenty dollar bill. Its not exactly the same, but its real close.

Avram Kaplowitz goes to his favorite kosher restaurant on the Lower East side to have a _bissel_ tongue in raisin sauce. He is surprised to see, instead of another elderly Jew waiting on him, a Chinaman.

Avram is not pleased. While he speaks five languages – Yiddish, Hebrew, Polish, Russian and English – his English is weak and he knows almost no Chinese. Imagine his happy surprise when the Chinese waiter asks him for his order in fluent Yiddish!

Avram chats with the waiter, gives his order and eventually finishes his meal.

While paying his bill, he says to the cashier: You know, I never heard of a Chinaman speaking Yiddish before.

Shah! says the cashier. He thinks hes learning English.

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked "Has anyone got a friggin match?"

Q: How do you confuse a Polak (polish guy)?

A: Put him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner.

What did the Pollack do for his blind friends bachelor party?

He hired a stripper!

Taken from The Treasury of Clean Sports Jokes by Tal D. Bonham Published in Nashville, Tennessee. (Somewhat appropriate I thought, as I work at the Australian government body for sport)

A fisherman from a northern state was telling his host about the big fish he had caught while on his vacation in Texas. As a matter of fact, said the man, I caught one that was nine inches.

The host replied that a fish that size was considered small evenaround there.

Maybe, said the fisherman, but down in Texas they measure a fish between the eyes!