Time Limit: 3 weeks

YOU MUST ANSWER TWO OR MORE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY TO QUALIFY!



1.) What language is spoken in France?



2.) Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.



3.) Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (D) WRITE A PLAY



4.) What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (B) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic



5.) Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?



6.) What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?



7.) How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)



8.) What are people in Americas far north called? (a)Westerners (b)Southerners (C)NORTHERNERS



9.) Spell – CAT, DOG, PIG



10.) Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the sixth. Name the previous five.



11.) Where does rain come from? (a) Macys (b) 7-11 stores (c) cats and dogs (D) THE SKY



12.) Can you explain Einsteinss theory of relativity? (a) Yes (b) No



13.) What are coat hangers used for?



14.) The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?



15.) Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium. OR Spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS



16.) Where is the basement in a three story building located?



17.Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) Nigeria (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Australia



18.) If you have 3 apples, how many apples do you have?



19.) What is the phone number for 911?



20.) How many Chinese Urns in a dozen?



21.) If Sacramento is the state capitol of California, what is the state capitol of California?



22.) Where does wood come from? (a) TREES (b) Asphalt (c) Steel



23.) If I have 10 dollars and I give you 10 dollars, how much money do I have left?



EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like Flin Flon and Winnipeg
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You dont need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still friendly even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds, I will take oil! So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, What do you want on your back?

I will take nothing! says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

What will you take on your back? the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, Ill take the Mexican.

Three British educational institutions were commissioned by the government to discover why the human penis is the shaped the way it is. Oxford University allocated a budget of £500,000 for research. After 2 years they concluded that the reason the head of the penis is wider than the shaft is that it fits better, when in situ, so to speak. This would prevent leakage of semen and increase the probability of successful fertilisation.



Cambridge University spent £750,000 on a research programme that lasted years. The results showed that the penis widened near the tip because it maximised the number of nerve endings stimulated during sex. This would lead to increased sensitivity and a better chance of impregnation.



Finally, the Open University spent £2.50 on a copy of Playboy and 10 minutes in the staff toilet, only to discover that the penis widens at the tip in order to prevent your hand from slipping off the end.

The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old, and the Chinese
civilization is 4000 years old. What is the significance of these
facts?

For 2000 years, the Jews had to do their own shirts.

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone.

A few days later he received this report:

Most Honble Sir,

You leave the house.
I watch house.

He come to house.
I watch.

He and she leave house.
I follow.

He and she get on train.
I follow.

He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree – look in window.

He kiss she.
She kiss he.

He strip she.
She strip he.

He play with she.
She play with he.

I play with me.
Fall out of tree.

Not see.
No fee.

Never Judge a Book by its Author

—————————————————

Is O. J. Guilty?…………..Howard I. Know

Animal Illnesses…………. Ann Thrax

French Overpopulation………Francis Crowded

Fallen Underwear ………….Lucy Lastic

Downpour! ………………..Wayne Dwops

Cloning ………………….Ima Dubble

Irish Flooring ……………Lynn OLeum

I Lived in Detroit ………..Helen Earth

Inflammation, Please ………Arthur Itis

Handels Messiah ………….Ollie Luyah

House Construction ………..Bill Jerome Home

Unemployed ……………….Anita Job

Off to Market …………….Tobias A. Pigg

Holmes Does it Again ………Scott Linyard

Home Alone IV …………….Eddie Buddyhome

Lewis Carroll …………….Alison Wonderland

Leo Tolstoy ………………Warren Peace

The L. A. Lakers Breakfast …Kareem O Wheat

Neither a Borrower ………..Nora Lender Bee

The French Chef …………..Sue Flay

Tight Situation …………..Leah Tard

The Scent of a Man ………..Jim Nasium

Why Cars Stop …………….M. T. Tank

Wind in the Willows ……….Russell Ingleaves

Look Younger ……………..Fay Slift

Mountain Climbing …………Andover Hand

Its Springtime! ………….Theresa Green

No! ……………………..Kurt Reply

And Shut Up! ……………..Sid Downe

If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?

A fur coat!

How is a tornado like a redneck divorce?

– Either way youre gonna loose the trailor.

Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Pole, are sentenced to spend
15 years in solitary confinement. The judge, feeling sorry for
the men, decides to allow each to take with him whatever he
wants. The Italian says, Id like to take a woman with me.
The judge reluctantly agrees, and the Italian takes his wife and
heads off to solitary. The Jew says, Id like to take a
telephone with me. The judge agrees, and off goes the Jew with
his telephone. The Pole pulls out a hand-held calculator and
furiously punches the buttons for a few minutes. He then
announces, Id like to take 3,000 cartons of cigarettes with
me. The judge agrees, and off goes the Pole with his
cigarettes.

After 15 years they open the Italians cell, and out comes the
Italian with his wife and 15 children: It wasnt so bad….
The Jew emerges and announces he is now a multimillionaire,
having set up a successful business by telephone. The Pole then
comes out, trembling like a leaf, and says, Anybody got a
match?