Austin, Texas – Nothings too small for politicians to debate. Even molecules. Rep. Scott Hochberg, D-Houston, apparently thought his idea of making Rice Universitys Nobel Prize-winning buckyball the official Texas molecule would glide through the Legislature unopposed.

But Hochberg, a Rice alum and an electrical engineer tutored in the arguments of science, should have known better.

University of Texas chemist Jonathan Sessler has another candidate for the Texas title: his Texaphyrin, a 9-year-old, engineered molecule undergoing tests as a delivery system for anti-cancer drugs.

For one thing, Sessler says buckyballs – the whimsically nicknamed form of carbon discovered by Rice chemists Rick Smalley and Robert Curl – belong to nature and, therefore, arent specifically Texan. Sessler, on the other hand, designed his Texaphyrin, for which a patent is pending, in the shape of a two-dimensional Frisbee with a five-point Lone Star in the middle of it.

The buckyball is like the Hope diamond, Sessler said. The scientists picked it up and polished it. But thats a very different kind of beauty than the Sistine Chapel, which came out of a persons brain and hand.

Source: Houston Chronicle

An Italian, Jew, and a Polack are steel workers who always eat lunch together on the 30th floor on their curent job.

The italian opens up his sandwich and its salami and says After today if I get another salami sandwich I am jumping off this beam.

The jew opens up his sandwich and its corned beef and says After today if I get another corned beef sandwich I am jumping off this beam.

The polack opens up his sandwich and its kielbasi and says After today if I get another kielbasi sandwich I am jumping off this beam.

The next day they meet for lunch.

The italian opens up his sandwich and it cappicola and says Wow, I am very happy!

The jew opens up his sandwich and it pastrami and says Wow, I am very happy!

The polack opens up his sandwich and its kielbasi again and says Thats it I have had it! and jumps off the beam and splatters all over the sidewalk.

The jew turns to the italian and says I dont get it… He makes his own lunch!

Full page ad brought back from a recent trip, taken from the British
paper The Times (Feb 4 1989).

A full page picture of Ollie North is featured, with his right arm
raised, as if swearing before a court. The subtitle is:

With a few notable exceptions, no one can transfer money
round the world more efficiently than us.

The ad continues:

We think its time to come clean. Girobank has been
transferring large sums of money half-way round the world
for years.

Its hardly a risky business. Our centralised
international division, with its unique links to the
entire overseas Giro network, allows business to be
conducted at maximum speed and with the minimum of
bureaucracy.

And even if your transaction should prove difficult
(as it might in Nicaragua for example) we can provide
documentary collections, letters of credit, bonds and
guarantees.

…

All in all, Girobank adds up to less hassle and more
choice for the businessman or woman. A call to the number
below will reveal the full story. Frankly, we think the
whole world should know.

From former chairman of the US Federal Reserve Paul Volcker according
to the Wall Street Journal:

A parrot fancier who happened into a London pet shop noticed a
particularly colorful bird and asked its price.

Five thousand pounds, the shop owner replied.

Five thousand pounds? the man asked. Why so much?

Well, this bird speaks fluent Italian, Spanish and French, is
brushing up on his German and starting to study English, came the
reply. With the European Communitys unification due in 1992, hell
be a great asset.

I dont care about the Common Market, the parrot fancier said.
What about that gray one in that other cage?

The gray one was 15,000 pounds, he was told, because the bird spoke
Arabic, Chinese, and Korean and was learning Japanese–the
languages of the 21st century.

Im too old to worry about the 21st century, the frustrated parrot
lover replied. What about that mangy brown one up on that perch in
the corner?

The brown one, said the shopkeeper, was 25,000 pounds.

Twenty-five thousand pounds! exclaimed the customer. What does
he do to worth that?

Were not sure, the pet-shop owner replied. But the other two
call him chairman.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Polish men and one Polish woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Australian men and one Australian woman
Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend
respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving – but at least the taxes are low and its not raining.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for further instructions.

The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men after calling them both bloody wankers.

Both the New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.

The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few bottles of coconut whisky, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.

What has eight legs and a black asshole?

The A-Team.

Once there was this woman, who was, sad to say, very flat across
the upper body. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted
women walking away with handsome guys finally got to her. She decided
that she would have large tits at any cost.

At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger
breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers
they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She
went everywhere, but everything she tried came to no avail.

So she went home and cried and prayed for larger tits. After
several days of this, during one praying session, there was this
sudden poof, and her fairy godmother appeared before her.

Well, dearie, you want larger tits, do you?

Oh yes, oh yes, please fairy godmother, give me bigger tits. I
beg you, the woman implored.

Okay, okay, calm down. Ill do it, if you promise to stop
bothering me. Promise? the fairy godmother asked.

Yes, I promise!

Okay, then. Shish, swoosh, swash, liffiday-loffiday, balsshac,
boom! There. Now, dearie, whenever anyone says pardon to you, your
tits will grow one inch. Fine? Bye, dearie.

And with a flash and the smell of burnt hair, the fairy godmother
left.

Of course, the lady wanted to try out her godmothers spell
immediately. She then ran out of her apartment and seeing some
unlucky passerby, collided with him and promptly fell to the ground.

Oh, pardon me. Im so sorry, are you alright?

Zzzzuuuuummmpp! Her tits bulged forward an inch. No, Im fine,
she laughed, as she ran back into her apartment. She inspected her
breasts. Oh, they were actually one inch larger; in fact, exactly one
inch. She decided to try again the next day.

At work, the following morning, she contrived to bump the manager
and spill her coffee into her lap.

Pardon me! Here, let me help clean you up, the manager said.
Zzzzuuuummmpp! Her tits jumped forward another inch. Oohhh, Ill
clean up myself. She ran into the womens bathroom and gleefully
examined her breasts. Two inches! Ive got to celebrate.

That night, she went to a posh Chinese restaurant. Aahh, Ill
treat myself to the best. After all, I could easily beat out Dolly
Parton by tomorrow. Ill be famous! As she sat there, a waiter
passed by, carrying an armful of aromatic dishes. She stretched,
delighting in the feel of her newfound breasts, … and her arm banged
into the waiters midsection.

The waiter fell with an audible Ooofff!!! sending dishes and
sauces all over her. Groveling, the waiter said to the lady, A
thousand pardons…

William Chuang

Why should you avoid running over an [ethnic] riding a bicycle in your
neighborhood?

– Because the bike may be yours.

What do you do when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night?

Cock your gun and say Freeze nigger!

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?" "Im from Ireland." "Me too! Ill drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin." "Me too! Ill drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Dublin are you from?" "The East Side." "The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! Ill drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more."Where on the East Side are you from?" "McDonagh Street." "Me too! This is incredible! Ill drink to that." As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "Thats amazing! I cant believe theyre from the same street in Dublin. Whats going on?" "Oh, its nothing amazing," says the bartender,"its just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."