How do you make Polish sausage?

Use retarded pigs

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?One less drunk.

Crash Course in Speaking Chinese
Chinese Phrase English Translation

Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table

Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift

Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field?

Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive

Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host

Kum Hia: Approach me

Lao Ze Sho: Gilligans Island

Lao Ze: Not very good

Lin Ching: An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space program

Ne Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signs

Shai Gai: A bashful person

Tai Ne Bae Be: A premature infant

Tai Ne Po Ne: A small horse

Ten Ding Ba: Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobile

Wai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?

Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding on the range one day. The two came to a stop, where Tonto jumped off his horse and put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming.

After a few seconds he rose and said Buffalo come.

The Lone Ranger was amazed and proclaimed Damn you Indians are smart, how the hell did you know there were buffaloes coming?

Tonto replied, Face sticky.

My God! What happened to you? the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

I got in a tiff with Riley.

Riley? Hes just a wee fellow, the barkeep said, surprised. He must have had something in his hand.

Aye, that he did, Kelly said. A shovel it was.

Dear Lord! Didnt you have anything in YOUR hand?

Aye, that I did – Mrs. Riley. Kelly said. She gave me her purse, but it wasnt much use in a fight!

Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road: A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night, they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.

The farmer says its OK as long as they dont disturb his sleep or the animals, so the three men go to sleep in the barn with all the animals.

Fifteen minutes later, the Hindu man bangs on the farmers door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with sacred cows next to him. The farmer says its OK and lets him in.

In another fifteen minutes, the Jewish man bangs on the farmers door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with pigs next to him, and the farmer says this is OK. Now only the Polish man is outside.

Fifteen minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door, and by this time is very annoyed. He opens it, and there stand the cows and the pigs…

Q. Why do Mexicans drive lowriders?

A. So they can pick cabbage and drive at the same time.

I went out with this girl who was so black,
when she got out of the car, the oil light came on.

An Irishman caught a leprechuan and was offered three wishes if he would release the leprechuan. He decided that he could really use a beer so he made that his first wish.

A mug of beer appeared on a rock so he drank it down. As he prepared to make his second wish, he noticed that the mug was full of beer.

How did that happen? he asked.

The leprechuan explained that for as long as he lived the mug would be full and he could drink all he wanted.

The Irishman said, In that case, Ill take two more of those!

Why dont Polish workers get a lunch break?

Because theyd have to retrain afterwards.