A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering years after eating it?After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, Wedding Cake.

Your mama is so stupid when i walked into her house i asked wheres the bathroom? and she answered third bucket to the left.



your mama is so stupid she thought taco bell was a mexican phone company.





your mama is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.





your mama is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall just to see what is on the other side.





your momma is so stupid she fell out of a boat and couldnt find water.





your mama is so fat she sat on a dollar and made change.





your momma is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.

OK three people where in a plane. one was



Asian,Mexican and Ameircan the people had





the light the plane cause it was going to





crash





So the Asian throws a bag of rice then the





mexican guy throws a bag of flower and says





he has a lot of these in his country then





the Ameircan guy throws the mexican guy and





says i have a lot of these in my country.

A Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him.



The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation.





American: Do you eat the whole bread?



French (in a bad mood): Of course!





American: We dont. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in a container, recycle it, transform it into croissants and sell it to France.





The French listens in silence.





The American insists: Do you eat the bread with jam?



French (now more annoyed): Of course!





American: We dont. We eat fresh fruit for our breakfast, put all the seed and the rest in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France.





The Frenchman then asks: And what do you do with condoms once you used them?



American: We throw them away, of course!





French: We dont. We put them in a container, recycle them, transform them into chewing gum and sell it to America.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been rounding up bad guys all day, and were
in big-time need of a beer. They rode their horses as fast as they could
to the nearest town, and tied them to the rail outside the saloon.

The Lone Ranger told Tonto to stay outside a little while and run around
Silver real fast so that Silver doesnt get sick from overheating.

Tonto said, Sure thing, Kemosabe, and did as he was asked.

While the Lone Ranger was inside having his beer, a stranger walked in and
asked, Who owns that big white stallion tied up outside?

I do, said the Lone Ranger, whats it to you?

The stranger ordered a beer, turned to Lone Ranger and said, Nothin to
me, Pardner, but you left your injun runnin

[ Told by the C.O. of HMAS Nirimba at a mess dinner in 1976 ].

In a nearly empty London bar on a filthy winters day, there were
several patrons quietly drinking when in comes your stereotypical
American visitor, obviously unimpressed by the country, its
weather and everything else about it.

He says loudly:
What a lousy country. The bars are shut half the time, its cold,
wet and windy, the beer tastes like piss and is served at the same
temperature, the streets are packed and you cant even get a cab.

Several people quietly leave.

He looks at a gentleman quietly sipping a pink gin and says:
Hey, limey: how can you bear to live in such a miserable place?

He is ignored, more people leave. After much more of this only
the gentleman with the pink gin, the barman and the American are
left.

He says:
Hey, limey: Im talking to you. Ive been to damn near every
country in the world and this is the lousiest. I dunno how
you can bear to live here. This country is just the arsehole
of the world.

The gentleman with the pink gin pauses, takes another sip and,
turning, delicately enquires of the American:
Oh, yes. Just passing through, are you?

A Frenchman, an Italian and an Canadian were discussing love-making.

Last night I made love to my wife three times boasted the Frenchman.

She was in sheer ectasy this morning…

Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, the Italian responded, and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.

When the Canadian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?

Once. he replied.

Only once? the Italian arrogantly snorted. And what did she say to you this morning?

Dont stop.

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?

A: Foreign Ambassador

What did they call the Chinese prostitute that became pregnant?

– What Went Wong.

Q: Why did the Polak cross the road?

A: He couldnt get his dick out of the chicken.