Two Jews are sitting in a Chinese restaurant. Are there any Chinese Jews?

The other sips his tea. I dont know. I suppose so.

You suppose so?

Yeah, there are Jews everywhere. I was in the Caribbean and they showed us this synagogue from the 16th century.

But that doesnt mean there are Chinese Jews.

At this point the waiter comes up with their checks. Hey! Hop Sing! Listen, are there any Chinese Jews?

The waiter shakes his head. Dont understand.

Jews. Jews. Chinese Jews.

The waiter smiles and nods. I go ask. He goes away and returns shortly.

No Chinese Jews. Orange Jews, Tomato Jews but no Chinese Jews …

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They
must be British.

Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French.

No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have
only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is
paradise. They are Russian.

A Chinese waiter had a particular customer who constantly made fun of his accent. Usually ordering Flied Lice and then laughing.

The waiter became upset and decided to end the joke. He practiced constantly in front of the mirror until he could say, fried rice.

Next time the man came in he said, What is good on the menu today?

The waiter replied, _F_r_i_e_d_ _r_i_c_e_, you plick.

What goes clip clop, clip clop, bang?

– An Amish drive-by shooting.

My spouse died of laughter after reading the mail. This is what
I pulled out of her dead grasp:

Dear Friend:

Youre not surprised when he calls. Even if you
forgot his number, you know hes remembered yours.

Youve got the right look. The right length. The
right vee. The right tee.

The spice. The scent. The savvy. The shape.

The point. The polish. The object. The art.

The legs. Eyes. Hips. Lips. The haute clothes.
Heiress hair. The look of luxe everywhere.

Not to mention (though he doesnt know it) the lacy
bra. The racy teddy. The high-impact smolder. The
high-impact flair.

Its all part of who you are.

You get promoted sooner. You look ten pounds thinner.
You have luscious lashes. Thinner thighs. Fuller hair.

You know the right de-stressers. Energizers.
Sleekers. Slimmers.

And you know what to read.

Mademoiselle.

How do you make a black guy scared?

Take him to an auction.

What do you call a Polish baby doctor?

A dope pusher.

Whats the difference between a Mexican American Princess, and a Jewish
American Princess?

A Mexican American Princess has fake jewelry and real orgasms.

What do you get when you cross an [ethnic] and a monkey?

A retarded monkey.

A young country Irish lad is at the local barn dance. He spies in the
distance, a fine looking young lassie (girl!). After building up as much
courage as he can, he saunters over to her and asks her would she like to
dance. She does, so they do. After a few slow dances he looks her straight
in the eye and says, Can I smell your fanny? to which she, not altogether
unsurprisingly replies You certainly can NOT!! He nonchalantly turns to
her and says, Oh, it must be your feet then.