How do you start a mexican parade?

Roll a quarter down a street.

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then wont buy a car if it cant go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but dont know half the words in the Star Spangled Banner.

Well spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.

Were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

Were supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still cant deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

I have two friends in North Georgia named LeRoy and Bubba. Last October
they went down to Athens to see a football game, and during the halftime
activities, they noticed UGA, the canine mascot of the Bulldog team, licking
his privates on the fifty yard line.

Damn, Bubba, I wish I could do that! LeRoy said.

Bubba cried, Fool! That dog would bite your head off!

There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, I heard on TV that wine is good for the health. The other one said, Well, lets go to Italy, the Italians drink wine.
So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by. They vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge. A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge. Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing. The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge singing, Drained wops keep falling on my head.

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hes got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "Whats in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard says, "Well just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the mans shoulders, and lets him cross the border.A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?""Sand," says Juan.The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesnt show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico."Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. Its driving me crazy. Its all I think about….. I cant sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Teacher: Where do white babies go when they die?
Student: Heaven.
Teacher: What do they get?
Studetn: Wings.
Teacher: What do they call them?
Student: Angels.
Teacher: Where do black babies go when they die?
Student: Heaven.
Teacher: What do they get?
Student: Wings.
Teacher: What do they call them?
Student: Bats.

What do you call two black guys on motorcycles in Los Angeles?

Choclate CHiPs

How come there were only 10,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?

They only had 2 cars.

Why wasnt Jesus born in Italy?

– They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin!

Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, “Hold still Abdul, it might be sand.”