How do you Sink an Irish Battleship?Put it in Water.

A primary school teacher was talking with her class.

Teacher: Mary, what did you do at lunch?

Mary: I played with my doll, Miss.

Teacher: Mary, If you can spell doll, you can go home early.

Mary: D O L L

Teacher: Correct. Brian, what did you do at lunch?

Brian: I played with my ball, Miss.

Teacher: Brain, If you can spell ball, you can go home early.

Brian: B A L L

Teacher: Correct. Rangi, what did you do at lunch?

Rangi: I got hassled by all the other kids for being black, Miss.

Teacher: That sounds like Racial Discrimination. Rangi, If you can spell
Racial Discrimination…

Conversation between Room Service and guest in Asian Hotel. Read Aloud for maximum entertainment

Room Service: Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye . . . Ruin sorbees . . . morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??
G: Uh . . . yes . . . Id like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July den?
G: What??
RS: Ow July den? . . . pry, boy, pooch?
G : Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.
RS: Ow July dee bayhcem . . . crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS : Hokay. An San tos?
G: What?
RS: San tos. July San tos?
G: I dont think so.
RS: No? Judo one toes??
G: I feel really bad about this, but I dont know what
judo one toes means.
RS: Toes! toes! . . . why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?
G: English muffin!! Ive got it! You were saying Toast.
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
G: No . . . just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter . . . just put it on the side.
RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?
RS: Copy . . . tea . . . mill?
G: Yes. Coffee please, and thats all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease
baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and
copy . . . rye??
G: Whatever you say.
RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G : Youre welcome.

I like to see ugly people holding hands.
I figure it gets them both out of circulation.

-Gallagher

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?

9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

What do they call Ex-Lax in Holland?

Dutch Cleanser

Q) What do you do if an Irishman throws a grenade at you ?

A) Take the pin out and throw it back at him.

Q) What if he removes the pin from the grenade.

A) Run before he throws the pin at you.

Q) How do you burn an Irishmans face?

A) Ring him up while he is ironing his clothes? (Hello!)

Brad, these jokes are in good humor, and should not be interpreted to
be in bad taste against the Irish.

The Irish water polo team drowned four horses during the first chukka.

What do you get when you cross a Black with a Japenese?

Someone who on December 7th, gets an uncontrollable urge to attack Pearl
Bailey.

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There he is greeted by George Washington.

How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive! yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: You wanted to end the Americans liberty, so they gave you death! Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense! He drops a large weight on Osamas knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, This is not what I was promised!

An angel replies: I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?