En los Estados Unidos daba inicio una convención de Ingenieros Civiles que haría giras a través de varias ciudades de los Estados Unidos y Latinoamérica.

La sede de la primera conferencia fue la ciudad de Nueva York (antes que se bajaran las torres). Al momento de la inscripción, los asistentes al evento eran asignados a una pareja para así poder intercambiar experiencias, vivencias y demás. A un nicaragüense le tocó por pareja un estadounidense.

Durante la gira de campo realizada, visitaron las Torres Gemelas del WTC. El gringo pregunta al nica:

You, nica. ¿Tú saber cuánto tiempou tardar ingenierous americanous en counstruir tourres gemelas?

¡Mierda! piensa el nica- me jodió este gringo hijo de puta. No sé responde apesadumbrado.

¡Nica, brutou! Ustedes nou saber nada… Ingenierous americanous tardar dous semanas en levantar tourres gemelas.

En otra ocasión, en San Francisco, estaban junto al Golden Gate. Pregunta el gringo:

Nica: ¿tú pouder decirme cuántou tardar ingenierous americanous en counstruir golden gate?

¡¡¡Me lleva la gran puta con este yanki mierdoso!!! piensa nuevamente el nica. Pues para serte sincero, no sé… responde al fin.

Nicas ignourantes… Golden gate counstruirse en 10 días… (hi hi)

Y eso era el pan de cada día para el ingeniero nicaragüense en cada ciudad norteamericana que visitaban…

Empero, llegó la hora de visitar las ciudades latinoamericanas… Llegó la hora de la venganza del nica…

Al llegar a Managua, capital de Nicaragua, los únicos edificios de interés para la comunidad de ingenieros que participaban en la convención eran: el edificio del Hotal Intercontinental Managua y el edificio del Antiguo Banco de América. Al visitar el primero, el nica pregunta al yankee:

Vos, chele ¿Sabés cuánto tardaron los ingenieros nicas en construir esta hermosa pirámide?

El gringo desconcertado no sabe qué responder, a lo que aduce:

Mí nou counoucer muchou la cultura de ustedes latinous… No saber, Im sorry…

Gringo baboso… Este edificio se construyó en tres días…

Fuck!!! pensó en ese momento el gringo.

Luego visitaron el edificio del Banco de América. En ese momento estaba un albañil poniendo un parche en el último piso del edificio donde había una grieta que había causado muchos años antes el terremoto de Managua del 72. Al frente del edificio estaba otro albañil haciendo una mezcla de cemento para que su compañero tuviera suficiente material para tapar la grieta.

Al momento de la llegada de los ingenieros, el que está haciendo las labores en el último piso resbala del andamio y empieza a caer a una velocidad de vértigo.

El gringo ve los acontecimientos y, con el corazón en la boca, grita:

Holly shit!! ¡¡Se ha caídou ese houmbre!! ¡¡Se ha caídou!!

Y el nica se le acerca, y casi susurrándole al oído le dice:

No seás pendejo. ¿No ves que viene por más cemento?

She drives a Red Sport Car.

She has a hyphenated last name.



She thinks Cooking and Fucking are two cities in China.

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, I caught them at the dam, so theyre dam fish.

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, Preachers arent supposed to talk like that.

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, Thats the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!

You can enjoy a BEER all month.
BEER stains wash out.
You dont have to wine and dine a BEER.
Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
BEER is never late.
HANGOVERS go away.
A BEER doesnt get jealous when you grab another BEER.
BEER labels come off without a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.
BEER never has a headache.
After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
A BEER wont get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.
You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
You can share a BEER with your friends.
You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
A BEER is always wet.
BEER doesnt demand equality.
A BEER doesnt care when you come.
You can have a BEER in public.
A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
You dont have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
BEER always comes in multiples of six.
BEER doesnt mind being in the wet spot that IT left.
You cant catch anything but a buzz from a BEER.
After you have a BEER, youre committed to nothing other than dumping the
empty bottle.
A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.
You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
BEER looks the same in the morning.
BEER doesnt look you up in a month.
BEER doesnt worry about someone walking in.
BEER doesnt worry about waking the kids.
BEER doesnt get cramps.
BEER doesnt have a mother.
BEER doesnt have morals.
BEER doesnt go crazy once a month.
BEER always listens and never argues.
BEER labels dont go out of style every year.
BEER doesnt whine, it bubbles.
BEER doesnt have cold hands/feet.
BEER doesnt demand legality.
BEER is never overweight.
If you change BEERs, you dont have to pay alimony.
BEER wont run off with your credit cards.
BEER doesnt have a lawyer.
BEER doesnt need much closet space.
BEER cant give your herpes or other nasty things.
BEER doesnt complain about the way you drive.
BEER doesnt mind if you fart or belch.
BEER never changes its mind.
BEER doesnt tease you or play hard to get.
BEER never asks you to change the station.
BEER doesnt make you go shopping.
BEER doesnt tell you to mow the grass.
BEER doesnt mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
BEER is always easy to pick up.
Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.
BEER doesnt pout or play games.
BEER NEVER says no.
BEER is easy to get into.
BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
BEER doesnt need to go to the powder room with other BEERs
BEER doesnt wear a bra.
BEER doesnt mind getting dirty.
BEER doesnt complain about insensitivity.
BEER doesnt use up your toilet paper.
BEER doesnt live with its mother.
BEER doesnt blow you off.
BEER doesnt care if you have no culture or manners.
BEER doesnt bitch, yell, or cry.
BEER doesnt mind football season.
A BEER wont make you go to church.
A BEER is more likely to know how to spell carburetor than a woman.
A BEER doesnt think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
A BEER doesnt think DOS is pronounced dose.
A BEER doesnt give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other BEERs around.
A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials wit babies are
cute.
If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say doberman instead of
doberperson.
A BEER wont get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk
music on your favorite radio station.
A BEER wont claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
A BEER wont raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat
up.
If you mention a three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8 around a BEER, it wont
think youre talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
A BEER wont whine that seatbelts hurt.
A BEER wont smoke in your car.
A BEER wont argue that theres no difference between shooting down an
unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the
sky.
A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
A BEER will actually support belching and farting and share your
enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic
Games in Barcelona.
A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
A BEER never fishes for compliments.
Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
BEER tastes good.
If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to
drink it, the BEER wont accuse you of date rape.
A BEER wont raise any objections to an evening of watching John Holmes
Greatest Hits on your VCR.
An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
A BEER wont make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
A BEER wont accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse just for
the articles. (You are lying, but the BEER wont accuse you of it.)
A BEER wont worry that youll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game
without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
A BEER wont fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse:
But I saved a quarter!
A BEER will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
A BEER will never make you turn off Fists of Fury Theater on
channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
A BEER wont accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say Gene Hackman
instead of Gene Hackperson.
A BEER wont make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like
STP Oil Treatment.
When youre through with a BEER, the thought of another BEER doesnt make
you ill.

I guy comes running into his home to greet his wife. Hunney, hunney, pack your bags, I just won the lottery. She gasps with excitement and replies, should i pack for warm or cold weather? he replies, I dont care, just get the fuck out.

Your so poor one day i saw you kicking a can anmd when i asked you what you were doing and you told me you were moving!



Your so poor i stepped on a cockroach and your mom yelled you damn b**** that was our dinner!





You so poor I blew out your match and you yelled dad, the heaters out again!

Two buddies are bull-shiting over a few beers when one of them says something that would be considered a Freudian slip. He also recalls his the last slip he had where he asked the gorgeous big breasted travel agent for two Pickets to Titsburgh.

His buddy says, yeah I know what you mean, last week while at breakfast with my wife, I meant to say, honey please pass the milk.

But what came out of my mouth was, You Fucking Bitch, you ruined my Life.

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to get thoroughly shit faced. A couple of pals decided to play a trick on him. They snuck out, turned his horse around, and went back to join the hapless for a few more rounds.



The next morning, when the alarm clock and a glass of cold water in the face failed to have the slightest effect, the cowhands wife started shaking him by the shoulders and screaming, Tex, get up! You have to hit the goddamn trail, youve got work to do.



Cant, mumbled Tex. Too beat. Too tired. Cant even lift my head.



Get the hell up! she screamed in his ear. Ive seen you this hungover a thousand times.



Last night was different, said the wretched fellow. Some son of a bitch cut my horses head off, and I had to pull him all the way home with my finger in his windpipe!

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephants backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.

A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.

One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance.

The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!!

The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.

What the %$*& is so funny? asked one of the scientist.

You should have seen the monkeys face trying to get the cork back in!!!

Uncle George spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didnt back off he asked her name.

Carmen, she replied.

Thats a nice name, he said warming up the conversation, Who named you, your mother?

No, I named myself, she answered.

Oh, thats interesting. Why Carmen?

Because I like cars, and I like men, she said looking directly into his eyes. Whats your name?

Beerfuck.