How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking

Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions

Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?

Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. Of course you are! she said. And also the best too. I dont know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.

Every hormone hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he
takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that
should be as common as a drivers license in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or male child.

DANGEROUS: Whats for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be over-reacting?
SAFEST: Heres fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?!?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didnt overdo it today.
SAFEST: Ive always loved you in that robe.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Humorous means: Caustic

Intuitive means: Your opinion doesnt count

In Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A man would no longer be considered a good catch simply because he is breathing.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 20 kg.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

Little girls would read Snow White and the Seven Hunks.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dips to women watching soap operas.

Men would have to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

Men would learn phrases like: Im sorry, I love you, Sure we can talk. Is now okay?

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their woman as their computer.

Road rage would turn in on oneself.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

Men would divide up chores with women so WOMEN could be horny.

TV news segments on sport would never run longer than one minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot flushes and women would date 19-year-olds.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take six weeks paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two year-old for six weeks.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!

Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise

Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin

40-ish… 52 and looking for 25-year-old.

Athletic… sits on the couch and watches sport.

Average looking… unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back.

Educated… will always treat you like an idiot.

Free spirit. . . sleeps with your sister.

Friendship first… as long as friendship involves nudity.

Fun… good with a remote and a six-pack.

Good looking… arrogant.

Honest… pathological liar.

Huggable… overweight, more body hair than a bear.

Likes to cuddle… insecure, overly dependent.

Mature… until you get to know him.

Open-minded… wants to sleep with your sister but shes not interested.

Physically fit.. . I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself.

Poet… has written on a toilet wall.

Spiritual… once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday.

Stable… occasional stalker, but never arrested.

Thoughtful… says please when demanding a beer

How Dogs and Men Are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you whats bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Neither does any dishes.

7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.

8. Both like dominance games.

9. Both are suspicious of the postman.

12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

The Smarter Sex?

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; its a bad one. Both
of their cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, So youre a man.
Thats interesting. Im a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! Theres
nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the
rest of our days.

Flattered, the man replied, Oh yes, I agree with you completely!

This must be a sign from God! the woman continued, and look at this,
heres another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle
of wine didnt break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate
our good fortune.

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back to the man.

The man asks, Arent you having any?

The woman replies, No. I think Ill just wait for the police…

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Tan means: Wrinkled

Wants Soulmate means: One step away from stalking

Widow Nagged means: first husband to death

Writer means: Pompous