A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

Valuation: Just Because Its Not Important to You . . .

Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

The patients family gathered to hear what the specialist had to say.
Things dont look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.

Well, how much does a brain cost? asked the relatives.
For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000.

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patients daughter was unsatisfied and asked,
Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?

A standard pricing practice, said the head of the team. Womens brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Financially Secure means: One paycheck from the street

Free spirit means: Substance abuser

Friendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

How to make shopping fun for men…

Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they arent looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone, I think we have a code 3 in housewares, and see what happens.

5. Put a box of Smarties on lay-away.

6. Move CAUTION: WET FLOOR signs to carpetted areas.

7. Set up a tent in the sports section; tell others youll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask Why wont you people leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the sports section, ask the clerk if the gun comes with anti-depressant prescriptions?

11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say PICK ME! PICK ME!

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, NO! NO! Make the voices go away!

15. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud, Hey were out of toilet paper in here!

If Men Were to Rewrite The Rules

Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages… only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
At any age, a man is like Iran – ruled by a dick

Diamonds are a
girls best friends.

Dogs are mans best friend.

So which is the dumber sex?

There are more jokes like this at http://www.hamerkaz.com.au

Doctor, Ive got this problem, a man says.

My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I leave work at the end of the day, she really works me over.

So what seems to be the problem? the doctor asked.

Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac, the man continued. I service her every morning when we get up.

I go home for a quick half hour everyday at lunchtime and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep.

I still dont know what your problem is, said the doctor.

You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells.

An older woman went to the gynecologist.

He told her she was in perfect health, had the body of an eighteen-year-old. She was so excited she ran home to tell her husband.

Oh yeah? he said snidely. What about your fat ass?

He didnt say anything about you.