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Dictionary for women

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when youre right, but he just hasnt realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, made the dinner.

Battered Women

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I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year.

All these years Ive been eating them raw.

Education for women

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

Dancing: Why Men Dont Like To.

Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.

Satisfied Redhead

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

How do you know when youve satisfied a redhead?

She unties you.

A womans seminars

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When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You

How To Keep Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel

Talking And Driving: Theres Got To Be A Way

What Women Want

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthurs youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The Question: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarchs proposition to have an answer by years end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but hed have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthurs closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthurs life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthurs question:

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthurs life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthurs life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.

Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.

Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when shed been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:

During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but dont read until youve made your own choice.

………………….

…………………

………………..

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

Isnt that beautiful?

But really now, what is the moral of this story?

If you dont respect women, things are gonna get ugly!

There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com

Dictionary for women

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also tranquilizers.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentines Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

Womens instructions

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

WOMENS COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

Never marry a man for money. Youll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

Question and answer

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks hes Gods gift?
A: Exchange him.

Education for women

Poza publicata in [ Gender humor ]

Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.