WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Artist means: Unreliable

Average looking means: You figure this one out

Beautiful means: Pathological liar

Money, The Non-Renewable Resource

How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour

Why Men Dont Like Any Of Your Friends

Women think they already know everything, but wait… training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking (hahahahahahaha)

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. Dancing: Why Men Dont Like To

20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes Youve Worn Before

WOMENS COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you if youre faking it tell him no, youre just practicing.

When he asks you if hes your first tell him, You may be, you look familiar.

Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor.

Water retention: Fact or Fat.

At the card shop:

A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, No. A clerk came over and asked, May I help you?

I dont know, said the woman. Do you have any Sorry I laughed at your dick cards?

Question: What stands behind every successful, married man?

Answer: An amazed Mother-in-Law!

How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag

Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits

Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river.

They needed to get to the other side, but couldnt figure out how to cross it.

The first man prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him the skill to chop down a tree and fashion it into a rowboat; he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.”

Poof! God turned him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge.

Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings.

The second little boy pipes up, Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his ears.

The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt.

Really, have you seen it? ask the boys.

The third boy responds, No, but Ive seen the tobacco stains on his underwear.