A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep.

The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man.

A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup.

The doctor asks him How are you feeling?

The man replies Not BAAAAD!

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Loves Animals means: Cat lady

Non-traditional means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

Open-minded means: Desperate

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

WOMENS COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

If he asks what sort of books youre interested in, tell him check books.

A mans idea of serious commitment is usually, Oh all right, Ill stay the night.

Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldnt even have bothered to have lunch with.

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?

An insurance company.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Enjoys art and opera means: Snob

Enjoys Nature means: Bring your own granola

Exotic Beauty means: Would frighten a Martian

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesnt. A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesnt understand a woman: before marriage & after.

20 Things Guys Think Girls Should Know

1. Were not a bunch of barbarians as you think we all are.

2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a jerk.

3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.

4. Dont argue with us when we call you beautiful.

5. Dont treat us like garbage – what goes around comes around.

6. We know youre pretty, thats one of the reasons were going out with you.

7. If you really liked us for who we are, you would let us believe that our mustache, beard, or sideburns look cool.

8. We never shave our legs. So Get over it.

9. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. Its just wrong.

10. When we tell you that youre not fat, believe us.

11. We absolutely do not care about The Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.

12. Just cause you think youre always right, doesnt mean that you dont have to apologize when you do something wrong.

13. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.

14. We cant always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.

15. Dont ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.

16. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.

17. If you want us to put the seat down when were done, you should put it up when youre done.

18. Dont tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesnt turn us on.

19. Always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.

20. We know youre not always right, but well pretend like you are anyway.

IF YOU SEND THIS TO:
0-5 people: you will have bad luck

6-10 people: your crush will notice you

10-15 people: your crush will kiss you

15+ people: your crush will fall in love with you!

1. If you think youre fat, you probably are. Dont ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up – put it down.

3. Dont cut your hair. Ever.

4. Sometimes were not thinking about you. Live with it.

5. Get rid of your cat.

6. Sunday = Sports.

7. Anything you wear is fine – really.

8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints dont work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. Were bound to miss sometimes.

14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16. Dont fake it. Wed rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

18. If you dont dress like the Dawson Creek girls, dont expect us to act like the soap opera guys.

19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we dont look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21. Dont rub the lamp if you dont want the genie to come out.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

23. Christopher Columbus didnt need directions and neither do we.

24. You have enough clothes.

25. Nothing says I love you like sex.