I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash, the salesman said.

The customer, not able to figure the calculation, said he would think about the deal and return the next day.

That evening, the fellow asked his female friend, If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off?

Everything but my earrings, she purred.

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Self-employed means: Jobless

Smart means: Insipid

Special means: Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windows

Q: Why is the book Women Who Love Too Much a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her,
If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.

The woman freed the frog and the frog said,
Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better.

The woman said,
That would be OK, and for her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her,
You do realize this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, and that women will flock to him.

The woman replied,
That will be OK because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.

So, poof – shes the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said,
That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be 10 times richer than you.

The woman said,
That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.

So, poof – shes the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered,
Id like a mild heart attack.

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was very strong and things went from bad to worse when one wing of the plane was struck by lightning.

One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

Im too young to die, she wails.

Then she yells,
Well, if Im going to die I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable. Ive had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman. Well, Im fed up with it. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?

For a moment there is silence.

Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare riveted at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

I can make you feel like a woman, he says.

Hes gorgeous. Tall, well built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation.

The stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, he extends his arm holding the shirt to the trembling woman and says.
Iron this.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?

The little boy nodded yes.

So, the coach continued, when a strike is called, or youre out at first, you dont argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?

Again the little boy nodded.

Good, said the coach, now go over there and explain it to your mother.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-theres no use in two people remembering the same thing.

An old hearing impaired gentleman visited his doctor and he had been warned to be careful as he had a heart murmur.

The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. Dont you remember what I told you the other day? he inquired.

Oh, I surely do. the old gent replied, Best dang advice I ever had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama and Im cheerful