This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does
not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down
immediately.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
desires.

[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified

First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________

Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char)

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____

Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19../../..

Serial Number: _________________________

Please check where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Catalog showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Classified

Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have
just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to
purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] Iraq

[_] North America

[_] Central / South America

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Classified

How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that
apply):

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

To help us understand our customers lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a
regular basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Sabotage

[_] Propaganda / disinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

[_] Fashion clothing

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will
be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in
the future – as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from
other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand
new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down outside a bar on the street curb.

A police officer watched him closely. The mans tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the police and asked, Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?

The policeman responded, Its caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.

Well, Ill be darn, the drunk said, returning to his paper.

The police officer, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man with his night stick and apologized.

Im very sorry. I didnt mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?

I dont have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading here that the chief of police does.

10. Your Quarter Pounder has a long, thin tail.
9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead.
8. Sign out front reads, No shirt, no shoes, no reason you cant get a job here.
7. Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack.
6. Blocking drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendys founder Dave Thomas.
5. Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure its okay..
4. In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number.
3. You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants.
2. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food.
1. Their slogan: Did somebody say E Coli?

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A: A slot machine.

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

We need a fourth for poker, said the friend.

Ill be right over, whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, Is it serious?

Oh yes, quite serious, said the doctor gravely. In fact, three doctors are there already!

One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news….
Good news: He had a parachute.
Bad News: It didnt work.
Good News: There was a haystack down below.
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitchfork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack.

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left
her, hoping she would be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast,
and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways
in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her
and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt
over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought
her back upright. This went on all morning.

Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to
her new home.

So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?

Its pretty nice, she replied. Except they wont let me fart.

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the men walked in the office and said, We need some four-by-twos.
The clerk said, You mean two-by-fours, dont you?
The man said, Ill go check, and went back to the truck.
He returned in a minute and said, Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.
Alright. How long do you need them?
The customer paused for a minute and said, Id better go check.
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, A long time. Were gonna build a house.

Heres a fun tongue twister.

Read the following list and then follow the instructions at the end.

Read it LOUD and REAL FAST…see if you can do it!

DONT read the instructions until you get it right!!!

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is fool cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

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Did ya do it? Now go back up and read the third word in each line starting from the top to the bottom 🙂