There was three guyz on an island, lets call them 1,2, and 3. they were on the brink of death when 1 found a lamp with a genie in it. The genie tells them to get 10 of the same fruit and then come back to him.3 returns first with apples. The genie tells him okay shove these 10 apples up your butt and if you do not change your facial expression ill get you off this island. So he starts 1,2,3,4,5 then he yells in pain so he is stuck on the island forever.2 returns with berries and the genie tells him the same thing. So he begins 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 then he starts cracking up laughing, so he is punished by being stranded on the island forever. while 1 is testing his talent 3 asks 2 Why did you satart laughing, you were so close?! 2 said i saw 1 had pineapples!

A guy finds a magic lamp and a genie comes out.

He says Ill give you three wishes but, your mother in law gets double of everything you get.



So first he wishes for 1 million dollars so his mother in law gets 2 million dollars. Then he wishes for 1,000 acers of beautiful land so his mother in law gets 2,000 acers of land. For my last wish I want you to beat me half to death. You know what happens.

A couple are out golfing when the husband hits his ball over a grove of trees and they hear the sound of breaking glass.

They hurry around the trees and see a man standing beside a broken bottle. He explains he is a genie, he was being held prisoner in the bottle, the golf ball broke it and freed him. He is very grateful and will grant them three wishes.

They both ask for a Cadillac and then decide a million dollars apiece would be ideal.

Your wishes are granted, the man says to the husband. Now that Ive granted you three wishes, I wonder if youd grant me one? Your wife is very attractive and Id love to have sex with her.

The couple talks it over and after getting two Cadillacs and a million bucks apiece, the husband says, OK, why not?

His wife and the man stroll into a nearby woods, have very enjoyable sex and then head back towards the fairway where the husband is waiting.

By the way, how old is your husband?

Hes forty two.

No kidding, and he still believes in genies?

The following are letters from children to GOD.





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Dear GOD, If You give me a genie lamp like Alladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.

-Raphael







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Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.

-Danny







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Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.

-Larry







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Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.

-Sam







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Dear GOD, You dont have to worry about me. I always look both ways.

-Dean







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Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.

-Ruth M.







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Dear GOD, I think about You sometimes even when Im not praying.

-Elliott







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Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.

-Nan







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Dear GOD, Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.

-Rob







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Dear GOD, My brother told me about being born but it doesnt sound right. Theyre just kidding, arent they?

-Marsha







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Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, Ill show You my new shoes.

-Mickey D.







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Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris





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Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna





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Dear GOD: The bad people laughed at Noah – You made an ark on dry land you fool. But he was smart, he stuck with You. Thats what I would do.

-Eddie







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Dear GOD, I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already.

-Charles







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Dear GOD, I didnt think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!

-Eugene

One day, Mark Bookspan rubbed a lamp and out came a genie. Mark made a wish to be the most handsome man alive, but instead, the genie turned him into a taiper. Surprisingly, this increased Marks sex appeal tenfold.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.The genie said, OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and Im getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about getting three. You only get one wish!The man sat and thought about it for a while. Finally, he said, Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but Im scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?The genie laughed loudly and said, Thats impossible. Think of the monumental logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of all the concrete! Think of all the steel! No, think of another wish.The man said OK, sat back down and tried to think of a really good wish.Finally, he said, Ive been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I dont care and that Im insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside. I want to know what theyre thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to know why theyre crying and know what they really want when they say nothing. Most of all, I want to know how to make them truly happy.The genie said, You want that bridge two lanes or four?

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.

He asks the man,Where did you get such a big lighter?

The man replies,See that man playing piano over there?

Hes a genie and hell grant you one wish.

So the guy walks over to the genie and says,I wish for a million bucks. All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, That genie is a little hard of hearing isnt he.

The guy replies, no kidding!

You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!

Far out at sea two irish men were stranded

on a raft. One day the first one found a bottle floating in the ocean, after opening the bottle a genie appeared.



I will give you one wish.the genie bellowed



Without thinking the second man yelled I wish the whole ocean was Guiness beer!.



You idiot,yelled the first man,Now we will have to pee in the boat.

There was a man walking on the beach and he found a genie lamp. The genie popped out and tol him he could only have one wish because he had been granting wishes all day and was getting tired. The genie said think real good and hard then let me know. So the man thought for a little while then he said, I wont a bridge from hear to Hawaii so I can just drive there instead of flying. The genie said no way, that would take way to long. The genie said think of another one. So he thought real good and hard and said ok. I want the key to figure out a woman. The genie said, where did you want that bridge to go to.

One day a bear was in a forest you know were bears hang out and he saw a rabbit he was hungry so he decided to chase it mean while a genie was chillin and saw the bear chaseing the rabbit and it was getting kinda annoying so he thought he would stop by granting them some wishes so he floated over and told them hey if you two knock it off ill grant you both two wishes they siad it was cool so the genie turned to the bear and said your bigger so you can go first and the bear said i wish i had the biggest bear dick in in all of beardom and the genie clapped his and his wish was granted he had the biggest bear dick in all of beardom

so he asked the rabbit want is your wish



he said i want a harley davidson motor cycle



the genie thought this was kinda wierd but he granted it any way it was the bears turn again so the genie said what is you final wish the bear said i want all the bears in the entir world to be female the genie granted his wish. it was the rabbits turn the genie said ok this is your last wish you should really think hard and the rabbit said no no i know what i want genie said well what is it and the rabbit said i want him to be gay and sped away on his motorcycle.