Three men were walking down a street and found a bottle laying on the side of the road. They picked it up and a genie popped out. The genie said, You will each get one wish. The first man wished he was 20 times smarter. The genie made him 20 times smarter. The second man wished he was 30 times smarter. The genie made him 30 times smarter. The last man wished he was 60 times smarter. The genie turned him into a woman.

One day Bill Clinton was walking down the beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. He said to Bill You have one wish.

Bill Clinton cried But I thought you were supposed to have three wishes! Well you are the most powerful man in the world so I only allow one for you, replied the Genie.

Bill Clinton thought hard and said Bring peace to the middle east. He took out a map to show the Genie.

The genie said Nope. Cant do that choose another wish. This next wish came up right away.

I want the WHOLE world to love Monica Lewinsky as much as I do The Genie stared at him with a raised an eyebrow. The Genie replied quickly Um…can I take a look at that map again?

There was a man named Benny who loved to take walks on the beach. One day he found a bottle with a genie in it. He let the genie out.
The genie was so grateful that he granted him one wish with the condition that he never shave again, otherwise hed turn him into an urn.
Benny got his wish of riches and fame but he kept tripping over his long beard which he hadnt shaved in 30 years. Benny said to himself, “that genie isnt around anymore, Im shaving.” With that, he went home and shaved. Instantly he went POOF and turned into an urn.
Moral to the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urn-ed.

Once this guy found a magic lamp. He rubbed it 3 times and a genie came out. She said I will grant you 3 wishes for releasing me. First, the guy wished for money. He got it. Next, he wished for a new truck. While he was driving along in his new truck, he heard his favorite jingle. He started singing along to it,Oh, I wish I were an Occar Mayer Weener, that is what I want to be, for if I were an Osc- POOF! the guy turned into a hot dog.

Guy goes into a bar. Big guy, but his head is the size of an orange.

Goes up to the bartender, orders a beer. Bartender serves him and asks why a big guy like him has such a small head.



So the guy tells him his story: He was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a genie lantern. Out comes this beautiful, beautiful genie who says, Ill grant you one wish . . . but i wont sleep with you.



Guy says, Ok then, how bout a little head?

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are.

Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.



2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, Put it down.



3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than

short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that

married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.



4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if

we can find the perfect present yet again!



5. If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect

an answer you do not want to hear.



6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.



7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are

prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun

formation and monster trucks.



8. Sunday = sports. Its like the full moon or

the changing of the tides. Let it be.



9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never

going to think of it that way.



10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely

anything you wear is fine. Really.



11. You have enough clothes.



12. You have too many shoes.



13. Crying is blackmail.



14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.



15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.

Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!



16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.

Mark anniversaries on a calendar.



17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult.

We are bound to miss sometimes.



18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you

think wed be any good at choosing which pair,

out of thirty, would look good with your dress?



19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable

answers to almost every question.



20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That

is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.



23. Check your oil.



24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.



25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.



26. No, it does not matter which quiz.



27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

All comments become null and void after 7 days.



28. If you wont dress like the Victorias Secret girls,

dont expect us to act like soap opera guys.



29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of

the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.



31. Dont rub the lamp if you dont want the genie to come out.



32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us

how you want it done-not both.



33. Whenever possible, please say whatever

you have to say during commercials.



34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.



35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose

their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.



36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses.

We like staring at boobs.



37. The relationship is never going to be like it was

the first two months we were going out.



38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.

Peach is a fruit, not a color.



39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.



40. If it itches, it will be scratched.



41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.



42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why

MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.



43. We are not mind readers and we never will be.

Our lack of mind-reading ability is not

proof of how little we care about you.



44. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,

we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are

lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly

fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry;

the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, cmon, Im sure theres one buried in your desk too.) Since hed heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and — oh, surprise — out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, “What is your first wish?” The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, “I would like to be rich!” So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didnt even have to ask for number two before he said, “My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!” And poof, he was there. Then the government worker — or, as I like to call him, civil servant — decided on his third wish, “I dont want to do any work ever again!” and poof — ubiquitous ironic twist — he was back in his office.

One day a man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle, when he opened it up a genie poped out. The genie said he could have one wish. The man thought about it a while then told the man that he was afraid of heights and got sea sick, but really wanted to go to Hawaii so he asked the genie to make a highway to Hawaii.

I dont know said the genie, that is really difficult. Do you have another request?

Well, I really want to know all about women, you know, how they tick and why their the way they are!

The genie replied: Will that be two lanes or four?

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!, she exclaimed.



No, said the genie, You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.



Lets see, says Monica, I dont need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage….



And I dont need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, Ill have all the money I could ever want…



I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yeah, thats it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.



Poof, and just like that, her ears were gone!

They had been stuck there for a long time and wanted to go home. One day they found a genie who said he would grant them one wish each. The english man said he wanted to go home and in a flash he was gone. The scots man wanted to go home and in a flash he was gone to. The irish man thought for a while and said,Well im going to be a bit lonley here so could I have my two friends back?