A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic lamp with a genie inside.The genie told him he would grant him three wishes. The mans first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF**The man could not think of anything for his third wish so he bought a Ferrari with some of his gold. As he was driving in his new car, he turned on the radio began to sing along with his favorite advertising jingle: Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener… **POOF**

One day, a couple was walking along the beach and fighting. Then the man got mad and kicked a bottle. Out of it came a genie. The genie said You each get 1 wish and because the man kicked the bottle, you get to make a second wish, but your wife gets the same thing as you wish for. So the woman made her first wish. I wish that I had 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars. POOF!!! she got her money. then the man made his wish. I wish for 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars. POOF!!! he got his money. Finally, he had to make his wish for the both of them. He didnt really like his wife so he had to make it bad for her. Hmmmm. he thought for a moment then he said. I wish I can have sex with the prettiest woman non-stop for 50 years. POOF!!! He was in a bes, having sex with a lady – and so was his wife

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want.The Russian begins thinking, Well I really like drinking vodka. I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so please turn my urine into vodka.The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees into it. He looks at the glass and its clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the
liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.The Russian yells to his wife, Natasha, come quickly. She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pees into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and
takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to pee in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is still excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard so they can have some fun. She gets the glass but asks him Boris, why do we only need one glass tonight?Boris raises the glass and says, Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle.

Guy goes into a bar. Big guy, but his head is the size of an orange.

Goes up to the bartender, orders a beer. Bartender serves him and asks why a big guy like him has such a small head.



So the guy tells him his story: He was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a genie lantern. Out comes this beautiful, beautiful genie who says, Ill grant you one wish . . . but i wont sleep with you.



Guy says, Ok then, how bout a little head?

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstacy. For my last wish… Id like to give birth to twins.

A man was walking down a beach and saw a bottle floating in the surf. He thought to himself, Oh, message in a bottle. He took out the cork and out popped a genie.

The genie said, Thank you for releasing me. Now you may have 3 wishes – however, Im a special genie. I love my mother-in-law, so anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will receive double.

The man first asked for a million dollar house on the beach. Poof! A gorgeous house appeared. Just then – POOF! – a house twice as big appeared next door and his mother-in-law was waving at him from the window.

He hurried inside to avoid her. As he was admiring his new house, he turned to the genie and said, For my second wish, put $10 million on that table.

Poof! There was so much money, it was falling off the table. Then POOF!! Next door, the money was flying out the windows – his mother-in-law got $20 million.

He was getting frustrated by this time and turned to the genie, OK, let me get this straight. Whatever I wish for, my mother-in-law gets double.

The genie said, Yes, Im the mother-in-law genie, and thats the way it works.

After scratching his head and thinking a bit, he suddenly turns to the genie and says, OK, for my third wish, beat me half to death!

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, cmon, Im sure theres one buried in your desk too.) Since hed heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and — oh, surprise — out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, “What is your first wish?” The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, “I would like to be rich!” So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didnt even have to ask for number two before he said, “My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!” And poof, he was there. Then the government worker — or, as I like to call him, civil servant — decided on his third wish, “I dont want to do any work ever again!” and poof — ubiquitous ironic twist — he was back in his office.

Benjamin Smith was the curator at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, although his primary job was to keep all of the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him. Master, the genie began, I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you — you must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever. Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny made his three wishes and became tremendously happy. Over the years, Bennys beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch more and more. He tried to ignore it, but the itch constantly became worse. Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn to stay there forever. The moral of the story: A BENNY SHAVED IS A BENNY URNED.

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.


Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble.


Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it.


Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared.


The genie said I will grant you one wish. Tony thought for a second and said I wish this whole lake was beer.


Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water.



As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp(the kind the genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it.POOF out popped a tired old genie who said…



OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. Buthey, Ive been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quitefrankly, Im burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then Im OUTTA here. Make it a good one.



The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!



Fine, said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.



Great move Einstein! said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. NOW were gonna have to pee in the BOAT!