The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club into the hole while keeping the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before allowing play to commence.
Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length, so as to avoid damage to the course.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible, until the course owner is satisfied.
Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by the course owner.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the course, paying special attention to the well-formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played recently to the owner of the course presently being played.
If the course to be played is temporarily under repair, player is advised to find alternate means of play.
It is considered outstanding form to play the hole several times in one match.
Course owner shall be the judge of who is the best player.
It is considered bad form to reveal your score to other players, or even that you have played the course.

(from The Laugh Page Humor Archives)

Mr. Cody was a well-known rector of a protestant church. One day
he had been playing golf and after having a shower he was resting
in the club room, dressed in a bathrobe. A stranger comes in, looks
at him and tries in vain to remember who this guy is. Finally, he
asks:

Where in Hell have I seen you before?

Cody: I dont know. Which part of Hell are you from?

Comprehending Engineers – Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did
you get such a great bike?

The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.

The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldnt have fit.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, Whats with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!

The doctor chimed in, I dont know, but Ive never seen such ineptitude!

The pastor said, Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Lets have a word with
him.

Dramatic pause

Hi George. Say, whats with that group ahead of us? Theyre rather slow, arent
they?

The greens keeper replied, Oh, yes, thats a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, Thats so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.

The doctor said, Good idea. And Im going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if theres anything he can do for them.

The engineer said, Why cant these guys play at night?

Comprehending Engineers – Take Four

Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.

Another said, No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections.

The last said, Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?

Comprehending Engineers – Take Six

Normal people believe that if it aint broke, dont fix it. Engineers believe
that if it aint broke, it doesnt have enough features yet.

Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Comprehending Engineers – Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, Ill
stay with you and do anything you want. Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, What is the matter? Ive told you Im a beautiful
princess, that Ill stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why wont
you kiss me?

The engineer said, Look, Im an engineer. I dont have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now thats cool.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Eight

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and said, This is where your problem is.

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an
itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and
mystery he found there.

The engineer said, I like both.

Both? the others asked.

Yeah, the engineer replied. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.

Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

Bad Golfer: Whack! Damn!
Bad Skydiver: Damn!! Whack!!

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!

The golfer, annoyed, says, What is it?



Its a special golf ball, says the salesman. You can never lose it!



Whattaya mean, scoffs the golfer, you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?



No problem, says the salesman. It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.



Well, what if you hit it into the woods?



Easy, says the salesman. It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.



Okay, says the golfer, impressed. But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?



No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! Im telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!



The golfer buys it at once. Just one question, he says to the salesman. Where did you get it?



I found it.

1. Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?

A. Just in case they get a hole in one.



2. Golfer: Well, I have never played this badly before!

Caddy: I didnt realize you had played before, sir!



3. Golfer: My wife says if I dont stop playing golf shes going to leave me!

Caddy: Im sure you will miss her terribly, sir!



4. Golfer: Well caddy, do you like my game?

Caddy: Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf.

There were four 80-year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said, Shut up! At least were still on the right side of the grass!

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, Trick or Treat! Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, Top Secret in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, Its about time you got here, give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, Come in. When they do, have everyone yell, Surprise!!! Act like its a surprise party.5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out whats wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural whirring sound.6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and dont move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, Crawl for it!9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused,

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.

The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.

The husband asks: Did we break that too?

Yes, replies the man.

Sorry. Do you live here? the husband asks.

No, actually, Im a genie. The man states. I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, Im supposed to give you three wishes, but Im keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, whatll they be?

The husband thinks a moment: First, make my wife a better golfer.

Poof! Shes a better golfer, the genie announces.

Second, I want a million bucks a week for life.

Poof! you get a million bucks a week, the genie announces.

Good. OK, what do you want? asks the husband.

For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife, grins the genie.

Hmmm, the husband hesitated, I guess thats all right. After all, she broke your lamp, youve made us rich, and our golf games will be much more interesting. Go ahead.

So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy hours the genie says to the wife: How long have you known your husband?

Ten years, she replies.

How long has he believed in this genie stuff?

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Mark Twain