The Los Angeles Board of Education has OKd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools.

The 2000 Darwin awards!

(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.

The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

Yet Another Darwin award candidate – or pair of candidates — this just might be the winner!

THIS WOULD BE ME

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, Crook, come forward. Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

MUM UR SO DUMB IT TAKES U 2HOURS 2 WATCH 60MINUTES

This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat an cat idiot cat busy cat for cat 20 seconds cat.

Now read this again without the word cat.

Fortean Times reports that a British supermarket workers underwear spontaneously combusted. Luckily it was edible underwear, so the clerk ended up with cherries jubilee.

Form Feed

Insurance form question and answer about a recent accident:

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus.

A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows:

Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn

Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo

The incredibly dumb

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowners newly installed fire prevention alarm system. This is even worse than last year, said the distraught homeowner, when someone broke in and stole my new security system…

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.