Honor

Two Japanese businessmen were talking during their dip in the hot baths

at the geisha house.

Hirokosan, I have unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you.

Upset, Hirokosan asked for more information.

More, she is dishonoring you with a foreigner who is of the Jewish faith.

Shocked, Hirokosan went home to confront his wife. I am told you are

dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith.

That is a lie! she replied, outraged. Where did you hear such mishegass?

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, Whats the matter? You didnt like the other one?

A little Jewish boy badly needed a new pair of shoes, but his mother was very busy, so she gave him some money and told him to go to Mr. Goldbergs shoe store down the road and buy himself a pair of shoes. But remember she impressed on him you must bargain, whatever price they give, you offer them half

So off went the little boy to the shoe store, he chose a nice pair of shoes which fitted him well and asked the price. Mr. Goldberg said The usual price is $ 12 but for you we will make it $ 10 No way said the little boy $ 5 is all they are worth Mr. Goldberg at first protested that the shoes cost him more than that, but in the end he agreed to sell the shoes for $ 5. The little boy then said they may be worth $ 5 but all I will pay is $ 2.50 By then Mr. Goldberg was fed up with the whole discussion and said You know what, sonny, as you are such a bright kid, you can have the pair of shoes for nothing

Thank you said the little boy but then you have to give me two pairs.

Mrs. Levy has just taken little David to school when she it hits her that she forgot to give him his apple.


She spots Mrs. Cohen walking by and askes her to give the apple to the best looking boy in the class.


So Mrs. Cohen gives the Apple to her own Son.

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please.

What denomination?, says the clerk.

The woman says Oy vay, my g-d, has it come to this? Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!

There was a Christian woman who was seeking to convert to Judaism to please her Jewish husband. She was following a rabbis instructions in a long process.


The rabbi asked her to go into a mikveh and dunk her head to finish the conversion. The woman responded with: I just went to the beauty parlor and head my hair done. The permit cost me $35.00. Is there any way I can go in without dunking my head?.


The rabbi paused for a minute and replied:


Yes, you can go in without dunking your head. However, youll still have a goyishe kup.

The rabbi is speaking to his lower East Side congregation and he says, with Hashems help we shall walk but first, we must crawl. The congregation replies to the Rebbe with exclamations of ahmein Rabbi, im yirtze Hashem we shall crawl.

The rabbi then says, and soon, we will run but before we can run, with Hashems help, we must firts walk. Again, the pious members of the minyan all reply, im yirtze Hashem, we shall walk.

The rabbi then works himself into a rhetorical frenzy as he exclaims, and we shall reach the promised land. Hashem shall provide but first we must run. The ecstatic congregation gleefully shouts back ahmein rabbi, we shall run. Im yirtze Hashem, we shall run.

The rabbi concludes his sermon by stating, and we will reach that promised land if you dig deep into your hearts and checkbooks and make a generous pledge to the building fund!! The congregation then replies, crawl Rabbi, crawl. Im yirtze Hashem, we shall crawl.

how do u no if an asain family have broken into your house ?

ANSWER= your homework will be done ur computer will be uprgraded and they will still be driving out the driveway.

In Jerusalem, an English female journalist heard about an old rabbi who visited the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.

In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is!

She watches the bearded old man at prayer–and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview.

Im Jane Collins from the BBC, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying? For about 50 years, he informs her.

50 years! Thats amazing! What do you pray for?

I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.

And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?

Like Im talking to a brick wall.

Q – How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb?


A -(Sigh) Dont bother, Ill sit in the dark, I dont want I should bother anybody.