The Liebermans invited The Gores for dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Joe announced, This is Matzoh ball soup.

On seeing the 2 large Matzoh balls in the soup, Gore was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Liebermans pressed Gore, Just have a taste. If you dont like it, you dont have to finish it.

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of Matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.

That was delicious, Al said. Can you eat any other parts of the Matzoh?

It is parents evening and a young teacher is called away in an emergency just before she is due to see the last set of her pupils parents for the evening.

So she asks one of the other teachers to fill in for her. The other teacher agrees but asks for some background information before she meets the parents.

Who is the pupil? the substitute teacher asks.

Oh a lovely sweet little boy but he isnt that bright, can be a bit of a handful and seems more interested in play than work.

Right. says the substitute teacher as she is writing notes and then also asks, and the mother what about her?

Oh, she is a Korean lady, but unfortunately she thinks that her little boy is both an angel and a genius, so please be diplomatic when you talk with her, as she really got upset last time when I said I thought her son was probably not equipped for a future career in Medicine and that he might possibly have to consider an alternative career such as a chef.

Thanks for the warning, says the substitute teacher and asks, how about the father? He might be a little more realistic about his son, whats he like?

I am sorry but there it gets even worse. the teacher answers.

What do you mean ? asks the substitute.

Well the Korean lady is a lessbian, you see and her girlfriend is Jewish! the teacher replies.

Passover.


Left the door open


For the Prophet


Elijah.


Now our cat is gone.

There was an Irish man , an english man and a Jew. One day there was a magic slide and if you said what you wanted while u where going down. The english man went down and said gold! and got some gold. The irish man said silver and the irish man got some silver. the Jews said WEEEEEE as he was going sown and landed in some wee

There was a new car in the market that instead of putting the gear in drive, reverse, park etc.. when you say Shema Yisrael the car stops and when you say baruch Hashem the car goes. so a person went to try it out and he liked it. so he bought it. A few years later he fell of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop, so when he was falling hre prayed to hashem and said shema yisrael. so the car stopped. then after he said Baruch Hashem!!! (that the car stopped)

Rabbi Schulmann was crossing the street and got hit right in front of the cathedral. the priest thinking he was dead, started his last rites….

about the time Rabbi Schulmann came too, he had reached yet not 3 Gods but one, the son the father and holy ghost, yet not 3 but one…

Rabbi Schulmann broke in, enough already with the riddles, call an ambulance already…and take that ridiculous looking shirt off ..young man.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother hes been


given a part in the school play. Wonderful! What part is it? replies his


mother.

The boy says, I play the part of the Jewish husband. The mother


scowls Thats terrible. Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking


part.

What did the Jewish Skeleton say to the fat man?

if youve got my body and you think its sexy come on baby give it back

How many new age Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: New age Jews take no position for or against light bulbs. They believe you should only use light bulbs if they work for you.

Two men, moderately proficient in Yiddish, were lamenting the fact that there are Yiddish expressions that you cant translate well into English. Furthermore, there were some English words that cannot not be easily translated into Yiddish. One man said to the other, I have difficulty finding a Yiddish word that adequately conveys the concept of of the English word disappointed. His friend said, My mother speaks only Yiddish. Ill find out from her how to say disappointed in Yiddish.

The man goes to his mothers house and says Mama, you know that I always come over for Shabbos dinner every Friday night. How would you feel if, one Friday, I called and said I wouldnt be coming over for Shabbos? The mother replied, Oy! Ichll zein zayer disappointed!