an english man was on top of the rainbow with a pain of glass in front of him and a pot of gold on the end of the rainbow. the only way to get to the gold was to someway get over the glass.


he ran into the glass but smacked his head and passed out.


an leprichorn seeing this wished he could fly so he could get over the glass to the gold. doing this he flew into a bird and was knocked down.

seeing this a jewish rabbi sang a rendicion of somewhere over the rainbow which broke the glass and he got to the gold.

Scientists predicted that a flood would come and totally flood the earth.


So…


The Pope said to the catholics: Pray and meditate on Gods word.


The Head Buddhist said: Contemplate and you will reach nirvana.


Then the head Rabbi said: My fellow Jews, we have three days to learn how to breath under water.

Four guys are standing on a street corner…an American, a Russian, a Chinese man, and an Israeli…


A news reporter comes up to the group and says to them:

Excuse me…Whats your opinion on the meat shortage?

The American says: Whats a shortage?

The Russian says: Whats meat?

The Chinese man says: Whats an opinion?

The Israeli says: Whats Excuse me?…..

The citizens of Chelm decided that it was inefficient for them all to be doing their own worrying. They had almost decided they would hire Chaim, pay him two rubles a week and hed do all their worrying for them, but then Moishe asked: But if we pay him two rubles a week, what will he have to worry about?

19-year-old Rachel is very upset when she calls the police on her mobile phone.

She cries, Help me please. I’m in Golders Green and my car’s been broken into. The thief has stolen the CD player, the steering wheel, the gearshift lever and the pedals. What will I do?

The dispatcher says to her, Stay calm, madam, I’ll ask a police officer to get to you as quickly as possible.

Ten minutes later, the police control centre gets the following message from the police officer, Please disregard the distress call. The lady got in the back-seat of her car by mistake.

Ben & Jerrys new Israeli ice cream flavors:


Wailing Walnut


Moishmallow


Mazel Toffee


Rashi Road


Chazalnut


Oy Ge-malt


Cherry Bim


Cherry Bum


Mi Ka-mocha


Lemontashens


Manishta Nut


Abba Ebanana


Bernard Malamint


Cashew LePesach


Chuppapaya


Choc-Eilat Chip


Simchas TOreo

All flavors come in a Cohen

a jewish boy comes home and tells his father that he needs $5 for tommorow

four dollars?!?! replies the father what do you need three dollars for?

A young Jewish college girl answers the door for her date. She brings him into the living room to meet her parents.

“Mom, Dad, this is Angelo. We’ll be home early,” she says.

Her mother looks at the young man disapprovingly, discerning from his name that he is not Jewish.

When the girl finally returns home, her mom quizzes her immediately, “Tell me, Anna, was that boy Jewish?”

“No Mom, he’s not,” replies the girl cautiously, sensing that a battle is about to begin.

Momentary silence from the mom. “Well — is he pre-med?”

What time do Jews tend to go to bed?

—– When the electricity is too expensive.

Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that youve been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office. Why would you do that to me? Havent I always been the good wife? Ive cooked for you, raised your children, and Ive always been by your side for thirty-five years. What havent I done to make you happy?

Embarrassed, Morris confesses, Its true, Sadie, youve been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You dont moan when we have sex!

If I moaned when we had sex, youd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!

So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets.

As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, Now, Morris, should I moan now?

No, not yet.

Morris begins fondling Sadie. What about now? Should I moan now? No, Ill tell you when, he says.

He climbs on top of Sophie and begins to have intercourse.

Is it time for me to moan, Morris?

Wait, Ill tell you when.

Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax, Morris yells, Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!

OY! You wouldnt believe what a day I had!