An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.



The Devil said to the lawyer, I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money.



All I want in exchange is your soul, your wifes soul, your childrens souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and I want to have anal sex with your 14 year old daughter.



The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, So, whats the catch?

Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow
In Santa Ana, Calif., an appeals court ruled that a skier who was paralyzed after he collided with the steel post that supported a sign saying Be Aware – Ski With Care may sue the resort that erected the sign.

The winner of the Fourth Annual American Express Most Outrageous Gift Search was the Do-It-Yourself Mink Coat Kit, which included a mink trap, skinners knife, pelt stretcher, needle and thread. Runners-up included a jar of navel lint, a dead cats ashes, a gift certificate to an out-of-business restaurant and a voodoo doll complete with needles and instructions.

Our Run For The Hills, The Lawyers Have Landed Award to a lawsuit filed against the publisher of the Beardstown Ladies Common-Sense Investment Guide, which seeks damages because the 1995 book exaggerated the profits of the club of elderly women investors by adding contributions by its members into its total investment gains. The lawsuit, which seeks class-action status, claims the publisher should have known of the inflated figures.

The All The News Thats Not Fit To Print Award to a former employee of the Gwinnett Daily Post in Georgia who was sentenced to three months in prison and fined $2,800 for offering to sell confidential business information about the newspaper to the rival Atlanta Journal-Constitution – which alerted authorities.

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.

Just when he thinks things cant possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says, Congratulations son, weve been waiting a long time for you!

Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the attorney sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments but congratulations for what? I honestly dont remember doing anything really special when I was alive.

Congratulations for what?! exclaims Saint Peter, totally amazed at the mans modesty. Were celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!

The lawyer is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says, Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy but I only lived to be forty.

Thats simply impossible son, says Saint Peter. Weve added up your time sheets.

There is possibility to use your own image for the ecard – and people have used it surprisngly lot – I suppose about 5% of people have uploaded their own image and sent realy unique ecard to someone.

And then I came across of this ecard. It is sexy and it is adult – XXX even 🙂 (so it probably should NOT be in this site.

But its so damn hilarious I feel that I must promote it in some way…

Its probably not funny for other people than Estonians, as it is a parody of EMT – who launched their new corporate image and logo not long time ago.

Im not sure if I am getting into trouble by making this card public (either from the card author (I doubt it!) or being sued by the EMT (quite likely!)). Hopefully EMT bosses and lawyers have a sence of humor and enjoy the card also.) It is also a kind of advertising to them… who knows… maybe the card originates from someone working in EMT??? 🙂
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scroll down if you want to see / send this card!
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It contains nudity!
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Some may even say it is hardcore porno!
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But is is not! Softcore maybe? Erotic? Bot not pornographic by my understandings of what is porn and what is not…
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You have been warned!
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Last chance to turn away?
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Still here?
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OK then… click here to look at and to send someone the EMT parody card!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.

Well put, the judge replied. Using your logic, I sentence the defendants arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.

The defendant smiled. With his lawyers assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
A: An impossibility.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with another lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things that not even nature can permit.

Q: Why didnt the circus clown feel so bad about his career?
A: At least he wasnt a lawyer.

Q: What is the difference between pigs and lawyers?
A: You can learn to respect a pig.

Q: What is the difference between baseball and law?
A: In baseball, if youre caught stealing, youre out.

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands werent met.

Q: Why didnt the doctor (any other profession) pay the rent on his outhouse?
A: He didnt like the lawyer living downstairs.

Q: Who do lawyers never take their cats to the beach?
A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand.

Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.

The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, Youre crazy! Youll never be able to outrun that bear!

I dont have to, the first lawyer replied. I only have to outrun you.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the drivers side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else.

How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.

My God! screamed the lawyer. Wheres my Rolex?

Pillow talk in Missouri: Has sex been outlawed?

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) – Birds do it. Bees do it. But Missourians arent allowed to do it, according to some interpretations of a new state law.

I dont know what they were trying to say, but I know that what they did say seems to outlaw sex altogether, said David Foster, director of the writing lab a the University of Missouri-Kansas City.

Others disagree. One legislator says it legalizes homosexual sex and outlaws nonconsensual sex. Another says it outlaws homosexual sex and nonconsensual sex.

The law, which took effect Aug. 28, says: A person commits the crime of sexual misconduct in the first degree if he has deviate sexual intercourse with another person of the same sex, or he purposely subjects another person to sexual contact or engages in conduct which would constitute sexual contact except that the touching occurs through the clothing without that persons consent.

Attorney Dan Viets wrote about the statute in the fall issue of the Missouri Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers newsletter, saying it appears to outlaw any purposeful sexual contact.

House Speaker bob Griffin says the only way the sentence makes sense is if the reader applies the without that persons consent phrase to all three parts of the sentence. In that case, gay sex between consenting adults would be legal, Griffin said.

Thats the only way you can read it, he said. It doesnt make any sense in the scheme of human nature that it would read otherwise.

But state Sen. Larry Rohrbach, a Republican, says the law explicitly prohibits gay sex.

I dont think theres a problem with the law as its written, he said.

Most Missourians need not fear.

The Missouri Supreme Court plans to release new instructions that would make it clear that the law applies only to sex without consent, said Cole County Prosecutor Richard Callahan.

Whats the definition of a shame (as in, thats a shame)?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

What is the definition of a crying shame?

When there was an empty seat.