Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

How many can you afford?



It only takes one to change your bulb…to his.



Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting

by standing up and shouting Objection!



Three. One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.



Three. One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the

ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.



Three. One to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying

power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb

burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired

the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.



Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object,

one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter,

one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one

to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to

change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.



How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, lawyers only screw us.

Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind. The answer is blowin in the wind.

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.

Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four–One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.

Q: How many NRA members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three–One to give up the old bulb when they pry it from his cold dead fingers, one to screw it in and pose for an Im the NRA ad while doing so, and one to complain about the waiting period.

Q: How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two–one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Note: Cornell is stereotyped as the most stressful of the Ivies.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: The sun is shining, the day is young, weve got our whole lives ahead of us, and youre inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb?

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.