Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.

Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. Theyre just faking it.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They usually screw in cars.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who
cannot.

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say
that on the average he feels fine.

Ya hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a
tangent?

A topologist is a man who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and a
doughnut?

97.3% of all statistics are made up.

My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but he was always
right!

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions!

Q & A

Q. Did you hear about the statistition?

A. Probably…!

Q. Whats yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of choice?

A. Zorns Lemon!

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?

A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two
as determined by the right hand rule!

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?

A. You cant do that, a mountain climber is a scalar!

Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?

A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)

Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?

A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE!

Q. Whats purple and commutes?

A. An abelian grape!

Q. What does a mathematician do when hes constipated?

A. He works it out with a pencil!

Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function,
the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A. Thats the Law of Spline Demand!

Q. Whats nonorientable and lives in the sea?

A. Mobius Dick!

Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier
riddle.

Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, as long as he admits hes powerless over light bulbs.

Why does it have to be a light bulb?

Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Weve formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable lightbulbs to work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.

Note: None because gypsies dont have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)