Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, My God, youre ugly, arent you!

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. You naughty boy! she screamed, How can you say to your aunt that shes ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her youre sorry!

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, Aunt Tess, I am sorry youre so ugly.

Little Johnny s next door neighbors had a baby.

Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.



When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnnys family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnnys parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.



He said Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.



I promise not to mention his ears at all said Little Johnny.



At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the babys hand He looked at its mother and said Oh What a Beautiful little baby. The mother said Thank you very much, Little Johnny.



He then said, this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes…. Did his doctor say that he can see good?



The Mother said why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.



Little Johnny said well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldnt wear glasses!!!

A teacher notices that Little Johnny, at the back of the class, is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out whats up. Hes quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and hes quite itchy.

The teacher has him go down to the principals office to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it.

He does this, returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, theres a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

I thought I told you to call your mom, she says.

I did, he says, and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon shed come and pick me up from school.

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would his mother, Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.



So Johnnys mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.



– First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…



So unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.



– Ok, now take off my skirt…



And he takes off her skirt.



– Now take off my bra…



Which he does.



– And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.



And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,



Johnny, PLEASE dont wear any of my clothes to school any more!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!"After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think youre stupid, Little Johnny?""No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word? Little Johnny waves his hand, Me, miss, me, me!

Teacher says All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word? Little Johnny says Mas-tur-bate. Teacher smiles and says Wow, little Johnny, thats a mouthful. Little Johnny says No, miss, youre thinking of a blow job. Im talking about a wank.

Want to hear a clean joke? Little Johnny took a bath with bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.

Little Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.

The old man said, Whatcha got there, son?

Johnny said, Got me some chicken wire.

Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son? asked the old man.

Gonna catch me some chickens, said Johnny.

You cant catch chickens with chicken wire, said the oldster.

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street. About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old mans front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire.

The old man was shocked and couldnt believe his eyes.

A little later Johnny passed the old mans porch.

Whatcha got now, son?

Got me some duct tape.

And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape? the old man asked.

Gonna catch me some ducks.

You cant catch ducks with duct tape, said the old man.

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.

About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape.

Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old mans porch.

Whatcha got now, son? asked the old codger.

Got me some pussy willow.

The old man said, Wait right there while I get my shoes!

A little Johnny was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer.

The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to discipline the child.

Arent you a little young to be drinking, son? he asked.

Aw, that aint no big deal, the kid said after taking a swig of beer. I got a tattoo when I was three.

What? How did that happen?

I don’t remember. I was drunk!

The Horse Auction
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, Dad, why are you doing that?
His father replied, Because when Im buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.