Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jennys father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, Mr.. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr.. Smith replies, Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live? Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies In Jennys room. Its bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely. Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr.. Smith says with a huge grin, Okay then how will you live? Youre not old enough to get a job. Youll need to support Jenny. Again, Johnny instantly replies, Our allowance…Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. Thats about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine. By this time Mr.. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wont have an answer to. After a second, Mr.. Smith says, Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own? Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, Well, weve been lucky so far…

The visiting church school supervisor asks Little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows Little Johnny, as well as his whole family, very well and can vouch for him. If Little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; we will get three quotations and fix the damned wall.

What do you want to be when you grow up little Johnny?

A doctor?

And why is that?

Because its the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed
anti-wrinkle cream on her face.Why do you do that Mummy? he asked.To make myself beautiful replied his mother, who then
began removing the cream with a tissue.Whats the matter? asked Little Johnny. Giving up?

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his moms bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, I need a man, I need a man!

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!

Litle Johnny was going to the bathroom at school. When he went to wipe his butt there was no toilet paper. So he wiped his butt with his hand and figured he could just wash his hands off. But the water wouldnt run and there was no paper towels. So he held his hand in a fist and walked back to the classroom. Then the teacher asked, Johnny, whats in your hand?

A little leprechan and if I open my hand hell get away.

Johnny, the teacher said, if you dont tell me whats in your hand you are going to be sent to the principals office!

Too embarrassed to open his hand, Jimmy elected to get sent to the princapals office instead. The principal asked, Johnny, whats in your hand?

A little leprechan and if I open my hand hell get away.

Johnny, if you dont tell me whats in your hand right now you will get sent home, said the principal.

So he got sent home and his dad asked, Johnny, whats in your hand?

A little leprechan and if I open my hand he will get away

Johnny, either you tell me right now whats in your hand or Ill beat you and your imaginary leprechan…

Little Johnny finally opened his hand and said, Look dad… you scared the poop out of him!

Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?

The man smiled kindly and answered, I wear this collar because I am a father.

Little Johnny thought a second and responded, Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?

The priest thought for a minute, and said, I am the Father for many.

Little Johnny quickly answered, My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?

The priest, flustered, said impatiently, I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people.

Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards.

Remember Little Timmy? Hes the foul-mouthed boy who lives down the block from Little Johnny.



Anyway, Little Timmy was sitting in the back of the class the other day, squirming. He raised his hand and said, Teacher, I have to piss.



Flustered, the teacher said, That is not the correct word to use, Timmy. The correct word is urinate. She told Timmy that he could go to the bathroom if he could correctly use the word urinate in a sentence when he returned.



Little Timmy came back from his trip to the potty and sat down. Can you use urinate in a sentence, Timmy? the teacher asked.



Yes, Timmy said. Right now ur-in-ate, but if you had bigger tits youd be a ten.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.

He yelled out,
Miss Jones, I need to have a piss!

Miss Jones replied,
Now Johnny, that is not the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go.

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, Youre an eight, but if you had bigger tits, youd be a 10.

Little Johnny is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the
emergency room.

The doctor says, Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and Ill see what I can do.

Little Johnny says, I havent got the fingers.

The doctor says, What do you mean, you havent got the fingers? Its 2003. Weve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could
have put them back on and made you like new. Why didnt you bring the fingers?

Furious, Johnny asks, How the hell was I supposed to pick them up???