A couple gets married, and thirty years later theyre in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs.

Her husband starts to cry.

She says, Whats the matter?

He says, Thirty years ago I couldnt wait to eat it. Now it looks like it cant wait to eat me.

In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, its curtains!

The couple had been married for 30 years, and on their anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel where they had spent their blissful wedding night.

Her husband was laying on the bed when she came out of the bathroom totally nude, just as she had 30 years before.

She stood seductively before him and asked, Tell me, darling, what were you thinking 30 years ago when I came out of the bathroom like this?

He replied, I took one look at you and thought Id like to screw your brains out and suck your boobs dry.

And what are you thinking now, baby? she asked huskily.

He said, Im thinking I did a pretty good job of it!

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelors Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Ive been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? — Phyllis Diller

There once was a man who had three girlfriends, and he couldn’t decide which one to marry.

He decided to give five thousand dollars to each woman to see what she would do with it.

The first woman bought new clothes for herself. She got an expensive new hairdo, a massage, a facial, a manicure, and a pedicure.

She said, I spent the money so that I would look pretty for you because I love you so much.

The second woman bought a VCR, a CD player, a set of golf clubs, and a tennis racket and gave them to the man.

I used the money to buy you these gifts because I love you, she told him.

The third woman invested the money in the stock market and within a short time had doubled her investment.

She returned the initial five thousand dollars to the man and reinvested the profit.

Im investing in our future because I love you so much, she said.

The man carefully considered how each woman had spent the money, and married the woman with the biggest tits.

May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx

A man and wife were taking a shower when the doorbell rang. The wife says, Ill get it and wraps a towel around her. She opens the door and sees that its her nextdoor neighbor. The neighbor notices that shes in her towel and says, Damn your fine! Ill give you $500 right now if youll open your towel and let me get a good look at that beautiful body of yours She says, $500? Right now? He says, Yeah right now. She agrees and opens her towel and lets him get a real good look. He hands her the $500 and goes back home. She gets back in the shower and her husband asks who was at the door and she says that it was the nextdoor neighbor. He said, Cool! Did he have my 500 bucks?

One night, the Potato family – Mother Potato and her three daughters – sat down to dinner. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. Mother Potato? she said. I have an announcement to make.

And what might that be? said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughters eyes.

Well, replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, Im getting married!

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, Married! Thats wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?

Im marrying a Russet!

A Russet! replied Mother Potato with pride. Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!

As the family shared in the eldest daughters joy, the middle daughter spoke up. Mother, I too, have anannouncement.

And what might that be? asked Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, I, too, am getting married!

You, too!Mother Potato said with joy. Thats wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, middle daughter?

Im marrying an Idaho, beamed the middle daughter.

An Idaho! said Mother Potato with joy. Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. Mother? Mother Potato?

Umm, I, too, have anannouncement to make.

Yes? said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

Well, began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her,I hope this doesnt come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!

Really? said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest daughter, dear?

Im marrying Dan Rather!

Dan Rather?!

Mother Potato scowled suddenly. But hes just a common tater!