A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, Mommy, why does the girl wear white?

His mom replies, The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life.

The boy thinks about this, and then says, Well then, why is the boy wearing black?

Cheap plastic rings

A groom buys the engagement ring at a jewelry store. As the groom enters the room, we have been talking about the news that says the jewelry store he just went to is being investigated for selling plastic diamonds to unknowledgeable customers. This didnt work too well but maybe if you have better actors in your group it would.

When Casey stated he was getting married, his pet parrot was very upset & insisted on going on the honeymoon with the couple. Okay, okay, his owner agreed to the bird, You can come along, but I dont want you looking. You gotta promise that youll look the other way when were making love…and if you break your promise, youll get nothing to eat!

Not wanting to be left at home, the parrot readily agreed.

Before leaving on their honeymoon, Casey & his new bride were packing their suitcases, the man, out of breath, says to his wife, I cant get it all in honey, youll have to sit on it.

She says, No, that wont work, Ill get on top and press down.

No thats not gonna work, why dont we both get on top?

Its then that the parrot thinks to himself, Food or no food…this I GOTTA see!

Impossible to drive away

Jack up the car, put blocks under the axle, then lower the car onto the blocks. When the newlyweds try to make their getaway, watch them rev…and rev…and rev.

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis.

To her joy, everything got much better.

However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes.

This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.

There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique:

Shes not my wife… Shes not my wife… Shes not my wife…

Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel theyre entitled to a little fun first.

18 things not to say to your pregnant wife.

1. I finished the Oreos.

2. Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

3. Yknow, to look at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!

4. I hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever!

5. Darned if you arent five pounds away from a surprise visit from Richard Simmons.

6. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt.

7. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!

8. Im so jealous! Why cant men experience the joy of childbirth?

9. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

10. Get your *own* ice cream.

11. Geez, you look awfully puffy today.

12. Got milk?

13. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Theresa?

14. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

15. Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…

16. Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your butt!

17. Well, cant they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!

18. You dont have the guts to pull that trigger…

A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married. The disappointed groom took St.Peter aside and asked him if it was possible for them to be married.

Im afraid youll have to wait, St.Peter replied. Check back after five years time, and if you still want to be married we will talk about it.

Five years passed and the couple came back to see St.Peter. Repeating their request, St.Peter replied,Sorry, you must wait another five years.

Fortunately after the wait, St.Peter said they could be married. The wedding was beautiful and at first the couple were very happy, but later they realized that they had made a mistake. They went to see St.Peter, this time to ask for a divorce.

WHAT!? St.Peter asked. It took us ten years to find a minister in heaven, Now you want us to find a lawyer?.

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

I think my wife told me I dont listen.