A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newly weds do, time and again, all night long.

Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.

When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she see him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, Whats THAT?, pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, Well, thats what we had so much fun with last night.

And she, in amazement, asked, Is that all we have left?

Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the grooms tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the grooms. Explain to the tux shop what youre up to. Pick up the grooms fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Dont reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, Hey, Dave! How ya doin? His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before. Oh no, says Dave. Hes on my bowling team. When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser. No, honey, shes in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them. A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. Hi, Davey, she says, Want your usual table dance?

Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, Looks like you picked up a real doozie this time, Dave!

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a childs whispered, Hello? Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home?

Yes, whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him? the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the all voice whispered, No.

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, Is your Mommy there?

Yes, came the answer. May I talk with her?

Again the small voice whispered, no.

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. Is there any one there besides you? the boss asked the child.

Yes whispered the child, A policeman.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked May I speak with the policeman?

No, hes busy, whispered the child.

Busy doing what?, asked the boss. Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman, came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, What is that noise?

A hello-copper, answered the whispering voice.

What is going on there?, asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, The search team just landed the hello-copper

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, Why are they there?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: Theyre looking for me

The scene – Husband and wife in bed.

The story – Husband rolls over to wife and taps her in the shoulder.

Wife says Not tonight sweetheart I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning.

Five minutes elapses – Husband rolls over again and taps wife on the shoulder and says Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, Im sorry to bother you but Im awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, Ive got a better idea… lets pretend were married.

Why not? giggles the woman.

Good, he replies. Get your own blanket!

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldnt because she didnt have any clothes on. He replies, Take my shoe and cover yourself with it, and go for help!She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us? The clerk replies, Im sorry, I think hes too far in.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, Relatives of yours? Yep, the husband replied. In-laws.