A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.

Then why are you so sad? her mother asked.

Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesnt even believe theres a hell.

Her mother replied, Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, dont stand in her way.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you dont do the following, your husband will surely die.

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Dont burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

Dont discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.

And, most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, What did the doctor say?

Youre going to die, she replied.

If its true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

A man complaining to a friend: I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman … then … pow! … it was all gone!

What happened? asked the friend.

Ahhhh … my wife found out …

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined.

She arranges an appointment and goes the following day. The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.

Doctor: I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina… Husband: Yeah, I know, shes also got a nice pair of tits too!

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Fred had not been feeling well, so he went to his long time doctor.

The doctor did some tests and walked back into the room.

Fred, I have some bad news for you, and I really dont know how to tell you. Ive rerun all the tests and double checked the results. You are going to die of cancer. There is no cure for what you have. You have about 6 to 8 weeks to live.

Well Doc, I am glad you told me straight out though. Now I can get all my personal affairs in order.

The doctor felt badly about Fred and the next day was at the gym when he heard two guys talking. Did you hear about Fred? Yeah, I heard that he is dying of AIDS!

This really upset the doctor and he rushed over to a telephone to call Fred.

Hello Fred? Did you understand what I told you yesterday?

Of course Doc. I am dying of cancer and have 6 to 8 weeks to live.

But I just heard two of your friends say you were dying of AIDS.

Yeah Doc, I know. You see, after I am gone, I dont want anyone screwing my wife!

There was a man who had memory loss. His wife got so fed up with him that she decided to take him to a doctor to help him remember things.

A few weeks later the man was out of the hospital and his wife felt he had made a big improvement.

A few days later they decided to celebrate so they invited their parents over for dinner. The mans father asked what the doctors name was.

The man replied, Whats the name of that flower with a long stem and little thorns on it?

His dad looked confused and said, Rose?

Yes thats it… Hey, Rose… what’s the name of my doctor?

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

Is this yours? he asked.

She said, Yes, could you bring it up? The man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, Im about to have dinner. Theres plenty; would you like to join me? He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, Ive had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?

The man hesitated then said, Do you act like this with every man you meet?

No, she replied, only with those who catch my eye.