I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. Amazing. 66 years! I said. Whats the secret to such a long, happy marriage? Well, he replied, Its like this. The man makes all the big decisions…and the woman just makes the little decisions.

Really? I responded. Does that really work?

Oh, yes, he said proudly. 66 years, and so far, not one big decision!

Im not the kind-of guy who objects to my wife having the last word.

Id just wish to hell shed get to it !

A man and a women were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it. In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1874.25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.

That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying: I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the cans in the box?

The man thought for a while and said: I guess after all these wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.

The woman was shocked, but said: I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years involved.

They hugged and made their peace. A little while later the woman asked the man: Why do you have all That money in the box? To which the man answered:

Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in.

Jill phoned her husband, John, at work for a chat. Im sorry dear, said John, but Im up to my neck in work today. I dont have time to chat.

Jill replied, But Ive got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.

OK darling, said John, but as Ive got no time right now, just give me the good news.

Okay, agreed Jill. Well, the air bag works…bye!

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, Whats the problem officer?

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. Im afraid Im going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!
[The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: Im also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didnt know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, youve known about that tail light for weeks!
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: Im also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, For cryin out loud, cant you just shut up?!

The officer turns to the woman and asks, Maam, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?

Wife says, No officer, Only when hes drunk.

One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, Lets name our Larrys after a soda pop, because Im tired of getting my Larry mixed up with your Larry, and her Larry mixed up with your Larry.

The other two ladies agree.

The first lady speaks out, Okay then, Im gonna name my Larry 7-Up because he has 7 inches and its always up!

The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives. Then, the second lady says, Im gonna name my Larry Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week.

Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.

The third lady then says, You know, those two Larrys were good, but Im gonna name my Larry, Jack Daniels.

The other two ladies shout in unison, Jack Daniels? Thats not a soda pop… thats a hard liquor!

The third lady bursts out, Thats my Larry!!

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall, and
sobbing.

Whats wrong with you? she asked him.

Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?, he replied.

And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison.

Baffled, she said, Yes, I remember, so what?

I would have been released today.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesnt know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in all countries, son.

Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasnt too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldnt wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, I take the next turn, right?

No way, get your own, said the groom, this ones all mine.