Two girls go out one weekend without their husbands and got somewhat inebriated.

Staggering on their way home, they both desperately need a wee and with no public toilets in sight the nearest venue was a cemetery, so they both ducked behind the fence to relieve themselves. After theyd
finished, the first woman took off her knickers to wipe herself and then
threw them away. The other woman, realising she was wearing some

very expensive knickers, didnt want to throw hers away and so looked
around for something else and decided on using the ribbon off a nearby
wreath.

So now, feeling a lot better, they carried on with their stagger home.

The following morning the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone. One commented, I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives you know. I reckon theyre up to no good. My wife came home last night without any knickers on!

The other one replied, Tell me about it! If you think thats bad, my wife
came home with a card stuck to her arse that read – All the members of the District Fire Brigade will never forget you.

After Christmas Tom and Harry were at work talking about what they bought thier wives for Christmas.

Tom says I got my wife a 3 carat diamond ring and a brand new BMW.

Harry asked if you got her a 3 carat diamond ring then why did you get a BMW.

So if she didnt like the ring I knew that she would like the BMW said Tom, well what did you get your wife?

Harry replies well I got her a pair of flip flops and a dildo.

Tom laughs and askes why did you get her a dildo?

Well so if she didnt like the flip flops she could go screw herself

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires, Im leaving for the crusade.

Here is the key to my wifes chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I havent returned, you may use the key as Im sure she will have needs

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, Stop! Stop!

Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY.

The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp.

When I tell you I love you, he asked, why do you always lower your eyes?

To see if its true, she answered shyly.

Leaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes.

I can never fool my wife. the first complained. I turn off the cars engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom.

But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone.

You got the wrong technique my friend. his buddy replied. I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say How about a little ?

She always pretends to be asleep!!!

Sex in the dark
Jane was becoming frustrated with her husbands insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp….. only to discover a cucumber in his hand.

Is THIS what youve been using on me for the past 5 years!?!

Honey, let me explain!

Why you sneaky bastard! she screamed. You impotent son of a —

Speaking of sneaky! he interrupted, maybe youd care to explain our 3 kids!!!

While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, Was it worth the trouble youre in?

A bum asks a man for $2.

The man asked: Will you buy booze?

The bum said: No.

The man asked Will you gamble it away?

The bum said: No.

Then the man asked: Will you come home with me, so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?

Will I be the first to do this to you? he whispered to his bride on their wedding night.

Silly boy, she said. How could I know? You have not told me which position you are going to use!

A pregnant woman with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetricians office. After the exam, she shyly said, My husband wants me to ask you something…, to which the doctor replies I know…I know… placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy. No, thats not it, the woman confessed. He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.