A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.

The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, If you wish to save your marriage, youd better be a little boulder.

Always talk to your wife while youre making love… if theres a phone handy.

Who has the ring?

When the groom asks the best man for the ring, he turns and nervously says he doesnt have it, who then turns to the next groomsman and asks the same question, and so on until the last person turns and grabs a giant box of Cracker Jacks that contained the wedding ring.

The whole church was rolling as the best man and his co-horts had the last laugh. It was truely classic.

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind dates door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

Ill be ready in a few minutes, she said. Why dont you play with Spot, my dog, while youre waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, hell jump through.

The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then Johns date walked out.

Isnt Spot the cutest, happiest dog youve ever seen?

To tell the the truth, he replied, Spot seemed a little depressed to me!

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

We must respect the other fellows religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. — H.L. Mencken

They say when a man holds a womans hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What youd better have around de yard if youre going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when youre mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though theyre sure youre not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com