A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks its wrong, but also because he doesnt want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: Ill be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on.
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: Did you really change the names of all the variables?
Sure! the classmate replies. When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1…

Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.

Theorem: 1 = 1/2:
Proof:

We can re-write the infinite series 1/(1*3) + 1/(3*5) + 1/(5*7) + 1/(7*9)
+…

as 1/2((1/1 – 1/3) + (1/3 – 1/5) + (1/5 – 1/7) + (1/7 – 1/9) + … ).
All terms after 1/1 cancel, so that the sum is 1/2.

We can also re-write the series as (1/1 – 2/3) + (2/3 – 3/5) + (3/5 – 4/7)
+ (4/7 – 5/9) + …

All terms after 1/1 cancel, so that the sum is 1.

Thus 1/2 = 1.

A promising PhD candidate was presenting his thesis at his final
examination. He proceeded with a derivation and ended up with
something like:

F = -MA

He was embarrassed, his supervising professor was embarrassed, and the
rest of the committee was embarrassed. The student coughed nervously
and said I seem to have made a slight error back there somewhere.

One of the mathematicians on the committee replied dryly, Either that
or an odd number of them!

Q: Why was the number zero fired?
A: Because he didnt add any value to the company.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course?
A: He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.

A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic.

Hey, dont worry, its just every 10000th flight that crashes.

1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!

Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. Its much more probable that you go from a crashing to a non-crashing plane than the other way round. So you are already at 1:10000 squared.

According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys.

Statisticians do it 97.31 percent of the time.

Measure theorists do it almost everywhere.

Algebraists do it in groups.

Theorem: 1 + 1 = 2
Proof:
n(2n – 2) = n(2n – 2)
n(2n – 2) – n(2n – 2) = 0
(n – n)(2n – 2) = 0
2n(n – n) – 2(n – n) = 0
2n – 2 = 0
2n = 2
n + n = 2
or setting n = 1
1 + 1 = 2