Deviation is considered normal.
We feel complete and sufficient.
We are mean lovers.
Statisticians do it discretely and continuously.
We are right 95% of the time.
We can legally comment on someones posterior distribution.
We may not be normal but we are transformable.
We never have to say we are certain.
We are honestly significantly different.
No one wants our jobs.

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a bakers convention.

Theorem: 3=4
Proof:

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. Im probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesnt end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which Im still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and Ill probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.

Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

Q: What did the circumference of the circle say to its diameter?
A: Hey, do you wanna share some of my pi?

Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: Your brain is smaller than any ε>0!

What do you call a dead parrot?

A Polygon.