It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. — S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

Theorem: 1 = -1
Proof:
1 = sqrt(1) = sqrt(-1 * -1) = sqrt(-1) * sqrt(-1) = 1^ = -1

Also one can disprove the axiom that things equal to the same thing are equal to each other.

1 = sqrt(1)
-1 = sqrt(1)
Therefore 1 = -1

As an alternative method for solving:

Theorem: 1 = -1
Proof:
x=1
x^2=x
x^2-1=x-1
(x+1)(x-1)=(x-1)
(x+1)=(x-1)/(x-1)
x+1=1
x=0
0=1
=> 0/0=1/1=1

Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.

Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 – b^2 = ab – b^2
(a + b)(a – b) = b(a – b)
a + b = b
a = 0

Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.

That math profs marriage is falling apart!
No wonder! Hes into scientific computing – and shes incalculable!

What is the square root of 69?

Ate something.

Theorem: n=n+1

Proof:
(n+1)^2 = n^2 + 2*n + 1

Bring 2n+1 to the left:
(n+1)^2 – (2n+1) = n^2

Substract n(2n+1) from both sides and factoring, we have:
(n+1)^2 – (n+1)(2n+1) = n^2 – n(2n+1)

Adding 1/4(2n+1)^2 to both sides yields:
(n+1)^2 – (n+1)(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2 = n^2 – n(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2

This may be written:
[ (n+1) – 1/2(2n+1) ]^2 = [ n – 1/2(2n+1) ]^2

Taking the square roots of both sides:
(n+1) – 1/2(2n+1) = n – 1/2(2n+1)

Add 1/2(2n+1) to both sides:
n+1 = n

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, theres a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear

1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight

1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation.

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once hed got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there.

Q: Why didnt the math student get the new car?
A: Because he couldnt find anybody to cosine.