A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!

Nurse: What is it?

Doctor: Its a big building with a lot of doctors, but thats not important now!

One day a pregnant lady that was expecting triplets was walking through a gangster neighborhood, and was shot three times. When she went to the emergency room, the doctor said that she would live, but that the kids might experience complications as they got older.

Ten years later, the first kid came running down the stairs and said, Mommy Mommy! Guess what? I pooped a bullet!

A day or so later, the second kid came running down the stairs and said, Mommy Mommy! Guess what? I pooped a bullet!

The third kid come down the stairs and said, Mommy Mommy! Guess what?

She said, Let me guess… You pooped a bullet?

He said, No, I was jacking off and I shot the dog.

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, youre an ambulance!

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You dont have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

Doctor, says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?

I dont see why not, replies the doctor.

Thats funny, says the man. I wasnt able to play it before.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

Doctor: Sell!

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

Doctor: A shoebox.

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

One day a man went to the doctors office with a stuttering problem.

Hhhey dddocc, ccann yoou hhhelp mmmee wwwithh mmmmy st-st-uttering ppproblem?

The doc replied, Sure. Sit down.

The doctor then examined the man and in a low voice he told the man, Your penis is so bit that the sheer weight of it is pulling on your vocal cords, and therefore causing you to stutter.

Iiss ttthere aaannnyytthing tthat yyou ccan dddooo ttoo ffixxx iiit?, asked the man.

I can surgically remove about 8 inches, replied the doctor.

The guy said, Ddddoo wwhattever yyyou ccan tto hheelp mmme bbbeeccaauusse tthhis ststutterinngg iiss ddrrivviinngg mmee ccrrazzyy.

So the doc goes through with the opperation, and his stuttering stops. Two months later, the man comes back to the doctors office with a question.

Hey doc, the operation helped my stuttering, but my sex life sucks. Can you reverse the operation?

The doc replies, Fffforrrggettt itttt!