Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

Doctor: How do you feel?

Patient: A little down in the mouth.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, I cant find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think its due to drinking.

In that case, said the patient, Ill come back when youre sober

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

Doctor: Dont worry about it. Youll pass eventually.

Liz: Im the examiner!

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

Man: And the bad news?

Doctor: You have Alzheimers disease.

Man: Thats great. I was afraid I had cancer!

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I cant remember anything!

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?

Patient: What problem?A variationDoctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?

Patient: What pills?

this lady walks in the dentist and said is this gonna hurt and the dentist said no its just a screw.

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, youve got it again!

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, dont do that.