Working for the military one often runs across some interesting stuff …

From a Russian document:

one of the serious problems in planning against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals nor do they feel any obligations to follow their doctrine.

Quote from a German general officer:

The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.

(This is original, copyright 1989 Tony Lovell)

The dew was still wet as the prisoner was let out into the yard for the last
time. The soldiers of the firing detail shuffled out to their usual
positions as the guards led the prisoner to the stake at the far end of the
paddock. There, he was securely bound as the captain of the guards stepped
forward to contend with the final courtesies.

Blindfold? he inquired.

No, thank you, said the condemned.

The captain was a little taken aback at the difficulty and leaned forward so
as not to be heard.

Please, he said, take the blindfold. It is not an act of cowardice to be
spared this spectacle. It makes it MUCH easier for you.

The condemned thought for a moment and relented. The blindfold was tied
over his eyes.

Cigarette? offered the captain.

No thanks, said the prisoner, I dont smoke.

Here again the captain paused and thought of a tactful approach. He leaned
in and spoke in a confidential tone.

No matter. Please take the cigarette. It makes it MUCH easier for the men
on the firing squad.

(I dont think it needs to be stated that this might be offensive to smokers.)

What army really means…

A rent


R eady for


M arines


Y et

Q: Definition of Marine

A: Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

One day air force one crashed on a farm. quickly the fbi came to investigate. they knew there were no survivors. they looked frantically through the wreckage to try and find the presidents body but it was no where to be found. there were only a few security guards. maybe the president hadnt died. maybe he had gotten out and went to get some help. in the next field over there was a farmer plowing his field like nothing had even happened. they quickly ran over to him.

fbi agent: excuse me sir, did you see that plane crash over there?



farmer: yessiree i certianly did.



fbi agent: did you see anyone get up and walk away?



farmer: nope, i buried them all this morning. didnt wantem stinkin up the place.



fbi agent: did you realize the president was on that plane?



farmer: yep, buried him too



fbi agent: you buried the president?



farmer: well he kept saying he was still alive but you know what a liar he is!

This is an old joke that has been heard around the Pentagon for some years, now.

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they dont speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to secure a building, they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three year lease with an option to buy.

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. One Texas soldier is better than ten taliban.

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out One Texan is better than one hundred taliban.

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out again One Texan is better than one thousand taliban.

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, Dont send any more men, its a trap. Theres actually two of them.

Dorogoi friend!

Mind volnuujet one kysymys. That dvuhkeelsuse story. Mitmelt poolt moshno bõlo lugeda, that kahden kielen oskus vlijajet nehorosho. I have svoi seisukoht tässä kysymyksessä. Nimelt olen juba varasest agest saati tshtõrekielinen.

And vsjo okei. Äiti õpetas estonskit, Soome TV finnskit, keeltekoolis õppisin angliiskit, Soviet Armys russkit.

Yhteistulos on hämmastav – new language!

Kui kõik jõuaks so far, oleks kaikki kunnossa. Igat jazõkki natuke and everybody ponimajet, mida keegi govorit.

Otshevidno, et see võiks olla natshala dlja new international kieli, kymmenen times better tshem esperanto.

Pole ka vaja bojatsa, that estonskii keel hääbub – naoborot, tämä kieli teeks meistä meshdunarodno famous.

Kutsun üles kogu narodi oppimaan tätä keelt. As you can see, on seegi statja fourkeelne, aga koje-shto can ymmärtää predstaviteli tshetõrjoh narodov!

Vot milline kasu! Eesti people – ärge mõshlite enää! Future on tshetõrekieliste päralt!

Jaan-John Kuznetsov

Working for the military one often runs across some interesting stuff …

From a Russian document:

one of the serious problems in planning against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals nor do they feel any obligations to follow their doctrine.

Quote from a German general officer:

The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.