Q: Whats the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. Were still trying to find out too.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle?
A: You can tune a Harley.

Q: Why are violas so large?
A: It is an optical illusion. Its not that the violas are large, just that the viola players heads are so small.

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.

A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.

Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola?
A: They are actually the same size, but a violinists head is so much bigger.

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldnt expect you to understand.