Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.

Here is your punishmentHavent I seen your face before? a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

You have, Your Honor, the man answered hopefully. I gave your son violin lessons last winter.

Ah, yes, recalled the judge. Twenty years!

Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.

Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
A: The frogs probably on its way to a gig.

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
A: He turned a peg and wouldnt tell the bass player which one.

Q: Why dont violists play hide and seek?
A: Because no one will look for them.

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.

Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?
A: A semi-tone.

Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.