Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: Its all in the grip.

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.

Q: Whats the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesnt!

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

Q: Whats the definition of a gentleman?
A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesnt.

Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.

The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like two skeletons making love on a tin roof.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but hell break ten bulbs before figuring out that they cant just be pushed in.