Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto?
A: Music Minus One.

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?
A: King Kong is more sensitive.

Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.

Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.
Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.

May I speak to the conductorA musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.

The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.

She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, I just like to hear you say it.

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?
A: They are always longing for another stop.

Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn wouldve done it.