Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter: Hi, whats your name?

Paul: My name is Paul.

St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Paul: 120K.

St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?

Paul: I was a lawyer.

St. Peter: Thats great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name?

Roger: My name is Roger.

St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Roger: 60K.

St. Peter: Hey, thats great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?

Roger: I was an accountant.

St. Peter: Thats very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name?

John: My name is John.

St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?

John: About $23,000.

St. Peter: Hey, thats fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, I could do that better.

Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!

Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?
A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet.

Q: What is the most seldom heard comment made of banjo players?
A: Say, isnt that the banjo players Porsche?

Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
A: Steal his batteries.

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you dont have to retrain the cellists.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: You can turn off a chainsaw.

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.