Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Whats the definition of a minor second?
A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?
A: Who cares!

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: What is a chord?
A: Three violists playing in unison.

Q: What are burning oboes used for?
A: To set bassoons on fire.

Q: Whats musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
A: The bow is moving.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.