Steve Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. Ive been arrested three times for practicing.

Q: How can you tell the stage youre playing on is level?
A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

– If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, Id Blow It All On You
– Do You Love As Good As You Look?
– Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause Im Kissing You Goodbye
– Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
– Heres A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
– How Can I Miss You If You Wont Go Away?
– I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
– I Dont Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
– I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
– I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
– I Keep Forgettin I Forgot About You
– I Wanna Whip Your Cow
– I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldnt Spell Yuck!
– I Wouldnt Take Her To A Dawg Fight,(even if she had a chance to win)
– Id Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
– Im Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
– Ive Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
– Ive Got The Hungries For Your Love And Im Waiting In Your Welfare Line
– If I Cant Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
– If Love Were Oil, Id Be A Quart Low
– If The Phone Dont Ring, Baby, Youll Know Its Me
– If You Dont Leave Me Alone, Ill Go And Find Someone who will
– If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
– Mama Get The Hammer (Theres A Fly On Papas Head)
– May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
– My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
– My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Dont Love Jesus
– My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
– My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
– Oh, Ive Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
– Pardon Me, Ive Got Someone To Kill
– She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft;
– She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
– She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
– Shes Got Freckles On Her, But Shes Pretty
– Thank God And Greyhound Shes Gone
– They May Put Me In Prison, But They Cant Stop My Face From Breakin Out
– Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
– When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So Ill Think Youre Walking In
– You Cant Have Your Kate And Edith Too
– You Cant Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
– You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
– Youre The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle players best friend?
A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but hell spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if youve got a good arm.

Q: Whats a tuba for?
A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.

Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owners neighbors dont mind if you dont return the sax when you borrow it.

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs.

The annoying drumsThis guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks Wow, this is cool. He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy cant sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager, Hey! Whats with these drums. Dont they ever stop? I cant get any sleep.

The manager says, No! Drums must never stop. Its very bad if drums stop.

Why?

When drums stop…bass solo begins.